Canada doesn’t care about being left out of NAFTA talks, has cooler, more fun trade negotiation to go to anyway

OTTAWA – Foreign Affairs Minister Chrystia Freeland issued an official statement today that Canada is in no way threatened by the successful bilateral negotiations between the US and Mexico…

Today: Ford government launches Buck-a-Beer mental health strategy

TORONTO – The Ontario government has launched its bold new mental health strategy called the Buck-a-Beer initiative, which is expected to replace the existing mental health system. Starting…

US Walmarts offering back to school savings on bulletproof vests, petitions to Congress, other essentials

DALLAS – With the arrival of school year for US students across the country, Walmart is offering deals on many essential items from tactical vests and kevlar binders to prayer books and pet…

When watching football, how am I supposed to explain to my son what a Seahawk is?

Editorial By Grant Stone, football loving father Like a lot of people, there’s nothing I like better on a Sunday afternoon than watching some NFL in my old armchair, with a cool beer in my hand. …

BREAKING: Packed Shoppers Drug Mart refuses to bring out another cashier

BRAMALEA, ON — In a scene described by onlookers as “the usual”, a bustling Shoppers Drug Mart refused to bring out a cashier during peak shopping hours. A single cashier, Peggy…

Toronto Sun hires eugenics expert to write new dating column

TORONTO – As part of their agenda to fight against the erosion of traditional Canadian values, The Toronto Sun announced today that they will be hiring a world-renowned eugenicist to write …

University anarchist group demands dedicated unsafe space

CALGARY – This past Tuesday, the University of Calgary Student Anarchists Society (UCSAS) delivered a petition to school administration insisting that an unsafe space be set aside for them to ret…

New Heritage Minute commemorates Canadian who sucker-punched Houdini

TORONTO — A newly released Heritage Minutes honours McGill student Jocelyn Gordon Whitehead, whose surprise attack on Harry Houdini is widely believed to have been the cause of his death in…

Local woman stays just informed enough to be angry and sad all the time

ST. JOHN’S — Local marketing consultant Ashley McEwan is focusing on her own emotional well-being by reading precisely enough news to be filled with pervasive existential dread at all times…

Local Dad reaches that age where he smells like a damp library

WINNIPEG – As he enters his late 50s Henry Adamson, father of three and grandfather of two, has, like so many men before him, started to smell like an old library that recently experienced …