NEW YORK – After the FBI classified the hate group the Proud Boys as an “extremist organization”, founder Gavin McInnes has renounced his involvement, declaring ‘If a club of lonely bigoted shitheads would accept a total dumpster fire of a person like myself as their leader, I know they must be complete fucking morons.”
McInnes made the statement in a 36-minute-long YouTube video, which many have already called, “so insufferable it would give a dog’s ass heartburn.”
“I can only hope that all you sad men who took part in this ridiculous and idiotic club can be as big of a failure as I am”, said McInnes as he took off his Fred Perry Twin Tipped Polo shirt to sop up his salty tears, before devouring the garment whole.
The move was not unexpected for McInnes, as he had previously left another company he co-founded, Vice, an organization built on the crass objectification of women and glorification of drug and alcohol abuse, or what he often called, “being edgy”.
Many members of the group responded by rushing to their parents’ basements and posting on 4chan that McInnes’ move “embodied the Proud Boys perfectly: men with no integrity, gross incompetence, and deep-seeded inferiority complexes.”
McInnes hopes that his departure will allow him to find a new career that he’s more suited for. “I saw a posting on LinkedIn for a manure salesman. I think I would be great at that.”