Sudbury, ON – Minnow Lake resident Callum Wraas has cut his beard after nine months, only to remember its original purpose of shielding his dumb face from the view of others. “It’s not that I th...
Doug Ford announces new Toronto subway lines, cancels them before end of conference
TORONTO — Speaking to reporters, Ontario premier Doug Ford cancelled the city’s plans for a downtown relief subway line before announcing his own “Ontario Line” subway, which he also then prompt...
Kenney vows to personally strangle every BC resident
CALGARY – UCP leader Jason Kenney says that he’s willing to personally murder all 5 million residents of British Columbia with his bare hands if the BC provincial government does not approve the...
YouTube warns white nationalist groups promoting race war that videos better not violate copyright
SAN BRUNO, CA – Video-sharing website and Google subsidiary YouTube has announced a strict new policy of reiterating its only response to white nationalism: swiftly pulling videos that violate c...
Woman dressed like it’s -5°c and man dressed like it’s +40°c meet for lunch
Presented by .CA Get your .CA domain name at https://choose.ca...
Quebec government maintains Bill 21 isn’t racist, only how they plan to implement it is
QUEBEC CITY – The Quebec government maintained that Bill 21, which forbids public servants in position of authority from wearing religious symbols, is not intrinsically discriminatory. The only ...
Nation’s short attention span reduces Heritage Minutes to Heritage Seconds
TORONTO – Historica Canada, the makers of the iconic Heritage Minutes, have announced they will no longer be creating 60 second-long clips due to Canadians’ short attention span. Instead, storie...
Don’t all these nerdwads realize firing teachers is totally boss?
By: Doug Ford I just don’t get it! Thousands of students protesting at Queen’s Park and for what? Because I did them a favour and fired a bunch a’ dumb teachers who force them to go to school! The onl...
Trump to replace outgoing DHS Secretary Nielsen with printed-out Breitbart articles
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the announcement that Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen will step down from her role, President Trump has announced her replacement to oversee the the Department of Homeland Sec...
Hey, don’t I follow you on Instagram?
BY THAT GUY ON THE BUS Hey there! Hi? Hello? Oh, sorry, totally didn’t see the book and headphones! Hope I’m not bothering you. How are you today? Where are you headed? Oh, the university? Sounds smar...
