TORONTO – Historica Canada, the makers of the iconic Heritage Minutes, have announced they will no longer be creating 60 second-long clips due to Canadians’ short attention span.
Instead, stories from the nation’s past will be delivered in quick, one second educational videos, just long enough to keep viewers engaged with the lesson.
“In an era of cat videos, thumb twiddling, or shiny objects, we had to make our videos competitive,” said one Historica Canada researcher. “When we showed a study group a video segment about James Naismith’s invention of basketball, a full 85% were distracted within the first five seconds with something else. Some reached for their phones, while others were glued to a pair of seagulls fighting over discarded piece of pizza outside.”
One test subject decided dust the Historica Canada offices instead of remaining seated for the remaining 55 seconds of the clip.
“Our material just was not connecting with generation after generation of absent minded nitwits who have a shorter attention span than a slower-than-average goldfish,” added a researcher. “[Heritage Minutes] had to be shorter to appeal to the impatient dullards of the country.”
The shortened 1.2 second video clips will now feature of Sir John A Macdonald inhaling before an important speech, Emily Stowe looking angry, and stock footage of a 1952 US nuclear bomb test with a caption that reads ‘Halifax Explosion.’
“Our newer Heritage Seconds will not feature anything historical, they’re just popular gifs with subtitles below about important events and heroes from the past,” added the researcher. “Unfortunately this was the best and only way for anyone to learn about Canadian history.”