Newfoundland finally admits mummers just their version of The Purge
ST. JOHN’S – This week the people of Newfoundland held a press conference to confirm longstanding suspicions that their Christmas tradition of mummering, where residents disguise themselves…
Cool aunt forces everyone to smoke pot this Christmas
BARRIE, ON — Since the legalization of marijuana, Canadians who originally demonized the drug are trying marijuana for the first time. Thus causing first time user, Cathy Lowe, to share her…
Quiz: Watching a Hallmark Christmas movie or trapped in an upper-middle class white person’s wet dream?
It’s Hallmark Christmas movie season! These films are pure holiday fun, with creative and unique plot lines involving princes, inheritances, fish-out-of-water moments…and that’s it, that’s …
After catching teen vaping, parent forces them to finish whole cartridge
BURLINGTON, ON — After 15-year-old Danius Jenkins was caught vaping, his parents Danielle Jenkins and Richard Mardow, made him finish the whole cartridge in the hopes that it would ruin vap…
Preview: ‘The Beaverton Year In Review 2018’ December 31 On CTV
If Miguel and Emma can get a word in.…
Vancouver police say carrying assault rifles at parades is necessary to deter Ferris Buellerism
VANCOUVER – Following public outcry at images of Vancouver police officers openly carrying assault rifles at public events like parades and street festivals, the Vancouver Police Department…
Elf on the Shelf keeps getting into the knives
News In Photos: Elf on the Shelf keeps getting into the knives Image via Deposit Photos…
7 holiday party ideas for people so overwhelmed by the world they can no longer experience joy
It’s the most wonderful time of the year! The holidays are a time when everyone can get along, share and love one another. Sure, it’s been a couple of tough years, and it’s left you feeling numb,…
Trudeau instructs Canadarm to extend middle finger every time it orbits over Alberta
An excerpt from The Beaverton Presents Glorious and/or Free: The True History of Canada. Available where books are sold. November 12, 1981 143 KM ABOVE THE EARTH – In a move that has furthe…
Johnson & Johnson claims asbestos in Baby Powder was benevolent attempt to fireproof world’s babies
NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ – Following widespread anger, lawsuits and a precipitous stock price drop when it was revealed that Johnson & Johnson have known for decades that their Baby Powder was…
