SPCA discovers millions of starving Neopets in abandoned server farm - The Beaverton

SPCA discovers millions of starving Neopets in abandoned server farm

TORONTO – In a raid conducted yesterday, the Toronto SPCA made a horrifying discovery when they found countless neglected and starving in a de-activated , apparently left to die over ten years ago.

SPCA deputy director Tom Hollander described the scene as “one of the worst cases of digital animal abuse he’s ever witnessed.”

“My team infiltrated the building on an anonymous tip,” he said. “But we weren’t prepared for what we found on those servers. These poor Neopets had clearly been abandoned for years, existing eternally on the verge of death. No food, no water, no owners. It was horrible.”

Hollander paused, his eyes staring blankly ahead. “By all accounts they should have all died a long time ago,” he stated flatly, obviously remembering things no person should ever have to remember. “Why…why can’t they die?”

Neopet advocate Kate Simpson said she was appalled, but not surprised by the news.

“People create a pet because they think it’ll be a fun way to pass the time,” she said, taking a break from protesting outside the server room. “But they never think of the long-term responsibilities that come with it. It’s not just painting petpets and Battledomes. It’s hard hours logged in, and most people grow up, get bored, and leave when they’ve had their fun. Frankly, I think the sign-up process should be more stringent. This discovery is just one more example of how the system has failed these innocent creatures.”

Attempts to find the pets’ owners have so far yielded no results, explained Hollander.

“Best case scenario, people fess up, log in, and reclaim their pets,” he said. “But if they don’t, we have to try and hack into their accounts in order to nurse these creatures back to health with artichoke pizzas or, what was it, a giant omelette or something? I don’t know, I’ll have to ask my kids.”

When asked for a comment on the horrifying situation, Neopets website owner Neil Simon seemed shocked, and responded with, “People still play with those things? Well, shit.”

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