WINNIPEG – The Public Health Agency of Canada has announced that it has reintroduced the deadly and highly infectious smallpox virus back into the human population so everyone learns the hard way about the importance of vaccination.
Recent outbreaks of measles throughout the country has antagonized health authorities so much that they’re willing to kill 30% of the population as punishment so everyone understands the lesson.
“We really didn’t want to do this, but some of you have not been getting the message,” scorned an angry Chief Public Health Officer Dr. Theresa Tam at Canada’s National Microbiology Laboratory, which holds the deadly virus. “We tried informing you, paid for your vaccines, and dispelled a variety of dumb inoculation myths, but there’s a significant portion of the population that would rather put jade eggs up their hoo-has than save their kid’s life by vaccinating them.”
“We’ll have to do it the hard way then,” added Tam while slipping into a positive pressure personal protection equipment.
After being declared eradicated in 1980 by the World Health Organization through a successful vaccination campaign, smallpox has been stored in a level 4 lab waiting to be released on an occasion to punish a population that has forgotten its history.
Fed-up agency officials said that people will learn to like needles and trust their doctors the moment they see their family and friends covered in deep seated vesicles and dying of a Medieval virus.
Meanwhile, public health inspectors were forcing restaurant owners to eat an entire raw chicken so they learn about the dangers caused by temperature abuse.