Intermittent fasting championed by miserable, starving man
REGINA – This week, local accountant Jeffrey Higgins announced to family and friends that yes, intermittent fasting works, with the minor side effect of a hellish existence. “I’ve tried man…
Cat aggressively reclaims furniture that moved five feet to the left
NEW WESTMINSTER, BC – A cat has re-taken control of a small IKEA armchair after his owner shifted the piece of furniture to another corner in the room. Podge, a seven-year-old Tabby, conduc…
Alcohol reports it’s giving YOU up for January
WINNIPEG — Following the holiday season, and after much soul-searching, this week alcohol officially declared that it is abstaining from you for the month of January. “I was starting to fee…
Premier Ford credits self for sunrise
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford and his government has claimed credit for this morning’s sunrise, which occurred at approximately 7:51 AM in Toronto earlier today. “Getting rid of the c…
Dallas Green changes name to Peterborough Red to appeal to Canadian fans
PETERBOROUGH, ON – Residents of Peterborough are ecstatic upon hearing the announcement that Canadian Indie darling, City and Colour has decided to change his name from Dallas Green to Pete…
Democracy watch: Sleep Country has had same president since 1994
NEW YORK – In an impassioned speech to the U.N. General Assembly this week, Dozy Drowzinsson, a 56-year-old refugee from Sleep Country, criticized the mattress nation for its oppressive, an…
Fan theory suggests “Wheel of Fortune” and “Jeopardy!” take place in same universe
LOS ANGELES – The internet is running wild with speculation today as a new fan theory surfaced on Twitter spreading its way across various other social media sites with the suggestion that…
Woman’s fear of flying traced back to fact flying is scary
TORONTO – After much self-discovery and countless hours of psychotherapy, Ana Simonetta, has officially discovered that her deep seated fear of flying on a plane is derived from the undenia…
Study: women’s most popular pornography selection of 2018, men sincerely apologizing
CALGARY, AB — A recent study has concluded that the number one choice of pornographic material for straight-identifying women is watching men sincerely apologize for the crap they have done…
