Meet The Beaverton

  In these dull and peaceful times, how much news can possibly be satirized?…

The Beaverton Returns

  The Beaverton- it’s exactly like all your other CTV favourites!…

US Midterms

  Are the Democrats learning from their mistakes?…

“We are the silent majority,” claim both sides

WASHINGTON – Activists and advocates for both sides of the political spectrum remain convinced today that their view is the popular one and claim to have the ‘silent majority.’ “More people…

Bernier signs People’s Party’s no embarrassment pledge, promptly kicked out

GATINEAU, QC – People’s Party leader Maxime Bernier was removed from the political caucus he founded after signing the mandatory ‘no-embarrassment’ pledge for riding association members. &#…

New York cheesecake retires to Florida

NEW YORK – After a celebrated run of 76 years as the king of desserts in the Big Apple, New York Cheesecake has announced today his retirement to the sunny beaches of Florida. “What can I s…

Neighbour somehow always throwing out sofa

TIMMINS, ON – Local residents are at a loss for how to deal with their neighbours at 618 Brookridge Ave., whose front yard is somehow constantly occupied by a sofa they are throwing away. M…

I’ve never tried weed before so I’m just going to eat 3 or 4 of these brownies

By: Justin English Just like everybody else I decided to try marijuana for the very first time now that it’s legal and Pastor Isaiah has said it’s ok. I have a condition known as baby lung that p…

New privacy rules will require companies to store secret data in the deep ocean of a woman’s heart

OTTAWA – New privacy legislation going into effect this week will require companies to take steps to protect user data by storing it in the endless expanse of a woman’s heart. Recent …

This Legend of Zelda sword will surely prove a sound investment

I was at Fan Expo when I saw it – A Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time replica sword. I would have walked right by if a teenage boy dressed as Deadpool didn’t bump me while sexually harassing…