Going Public: This pensioner was overcharged on her car insurance so we brutally murdered the people responsible
A senior driver was shocked to discover that her insurance company was over-billing her with an added premium she never asked for, but justice has been served since our Going Public Team brutally…
Tories claim leaked health care privatization docs merely drafts that reflect their ultimate goals and intentions
TORONTO – Responding to multiple document leaks that indicate the government will privatize significant parts of Ontario’s health care services, the Ford government assured Ontarians that t…
Referee reverses call after man yells at TV loud enough
ORILLIA, ON – Upon hearing that he’d made a “bullshit call” from a distant voice that powered its way through the television screen, an NHL referee reversed his penalty decision this evenin…
Tories double-down on using Heritage Minutes to blame Trudeau for 1850s Irish refugee crisis
TORONTO – Despite requests not to use Heritage Minutes for political purposes by its creators, the Conservative Party of Canada has released a new attack ad using the 1991 Heritage Minute o…
Totally Retro! US kicks it old school with dangerous arms race against Russia
It’s like, time to get totally radical because the United States government is returning to the 80’s with neon colours, Duran Duran and no treaties to prevent nuclear war. The whole thing started…
‘Chivalry is dead,’ whines man who has never once presided over a village of unwashed peasants
TORONTO – After a disappointing first date in which he felt his romantic gestures went unappreciated, Mike Peterson mourned the demise of chivalry, despite having never led an army, compete…
Republicans furious to see Obama running for third term
Washington D.C – Republicans have expressed outrage today at the news that a man whom they are positive is former President Barack Obama has entered the race for democratic nominee, vying f…
Panicked uncle handles sleeping baby like old-timey crate of nitroglycerin
Woodstock, NB – Local uncle Grant Newsten, 32, has been reported by witnesses to be handling his newborn niece, Amelia Newsten, as if she is a rickety and highly explosive crate of long-aba…
Vancouver city council approves plan to extend SkyTrain vertically
VANCOUVER – Convening on the contentious issue of expanding Vancouver’s SkyTrain line west to UBC, the Vancouver city council has instead voted unanimously to extend the SkyTrain vertically…
Couple concerned they’ll have to live up to their overly ambitious sexts
Peterborough, ON – After a pre-work make out session this morning, local couple Dirk Rosar and Kristen Lamers exchanged what sources are calling “highly ambitious” sexual text messages with…
