BOSTON – Children’s wish charities throughout Canada and the United States have been overwhelmed by requests from kids to meet Boston Bruins player Brad Marchand or have him murdered.
With Boston advancing to the next round of the playoffs, tens thousands of letters and videos from kids explaining their deep hopes and hatred towards the Canadian hockey player were sent to organizations that promised to grant them a wish.
“Over 6,000 requests from children ages 4-16 want to meet their hero Brad Marchand, and over 25,000 to have him snuffed out in some brutal fashion,” said Patricia Williams of the Big Wishes for Brave Kids Foundation. “We’ve tried to suggest alternatives such as going to Disneyland or meeting an actual princess, but they’re very adamant about giving Marchand a one-way ticket to hell for his cheap shots and dirty on-ice reputation.”
Some more creative wishes incorporated the fantasies of superheroes such as The Hulk who would crush the high-scoring agitator into a million pieces.
“Doctors say Sammy has only two weeks to live so he thought he might as well carry out vengeance for that shot to the back of the head,” said Williams reading a letter from a 9-year-old referring the Marchand’s sucker punch on Columbus Blue Jackets’ Scott Harrington. “He would love it if it could be done before the Stanley Cup finals just in case Boston wins.”
While murder is technically illegal, the wish organizations think they would be able bend the homicide rules just like a referee ignoring a hit to the head during the playoffs.