Local man finds creeping fascism much easier to ignore than he expected
NEW YORK — Despite living in an age of xenophobia, attacks on the free press and political corruption, office manager David Newton is finding that fascism is much easier to ignore than he previou…
Toronto Police ask black community to apologize for making them look so bad
TORONTO – Following a widely publicized report from the Ontario Human Rights Commission that reveals black people are 20 times more likely to be shot and killed by Toronto Police than white…
BC business leaders worry new climate plan does too much of not enough
VANCOUVER – The BC business community is cautioning that the BC government has put forth a climate plan that doesn’t go nearly far enough to address the catastrophic threat of global warmin…
Old Man McGillicutty found not guilty after evidence from talking dog ruled inadmissible
Coolsville – Jeremiah McGillicutty, known locally as Old Man McGillicutty, has been found not guilty of fraud, public nuisance and conspiracy after a judge ruled that testimony from a talki…
As winter arrives, nation prepares to get so fucking cozy
OTTAWA – With the winter months here, Canadians across the country are making preparations to get so cozy, you don’t even know. “Oh man, I’m going to make winter my bitch this year,” said Calgary…
Quiz: Can you tell the difference between real Jewish holidays and ones we just made up but which might still be real, who knows
The Jewish religion is an ancient and venerated one characterized by its love of tradition and seemingly endless parade of crazy holidays. While researchers are still tabulating, at last count th…
Study: 28% of Canadian bands found to be the Arkells
MONTREAL – A recent study conducted by the McGill University’s Cultural Studies School found that 28% of all Canadian musical acts were Juno-winning pop ensemble Arkells. “It was surprising…
Mirthless sociopath has the gall to ask for notes after missing every class
WATERLOO, ON – Deep in the trenches of Wilfrid Laurier University’s exam period, Jake Ripper, known sociopath, had the audacity to ask around for notes after missing every single class in t…
Stereotypes flipped! This toy company has its play tool sets assembled by girls
Some say genders are innate and can’t be changed by society. Well one incredible toy company is proving them wrong, by showing little girls everywhere that it’s not just boys who get to cast, ass…
NHL expands to Seattle after determining it is city furthest away from Quebec City
SEATTLE – The NHL has announced its 32nd team will call Seattle home after determining the West Coast city is the furthest distance from Quebec City. “We looked at several options including…
