“I won’t reopen the abortion debate” Andrew Scheer reiterates while winking, nodding and miming being pregnant - The Beaverton

“I won’t reopen the abortion debate” Andrew Scheer reiterates while winking, nodding and miming being pregnant

OTTAWA – Following a slew of anti- laws being passed in the United States and heightened concerns that the same thing might happen in Canada, Conservative leader has assured Canadians that if he becomes Prime Minister that will not happen, while winking and pantomiming a full term pregnancy.

“I have been very clear about my position on this issue,” Scheer said, smiling and moving his hands in front of his stomach as though he had a swollen, pregnant belly. “I will not be changing Canada’s laws when it comes to abortion access,” he said, winking so hard onlookers worried he was having a small seizure.

Critics of Scheer say this promise is in direct opposition to his behaviour when he was running for leader of the Conservative Party, when he touted his anti-abortion legislative record, promised to table legislation giving legal status to fetuses and to allow members to free vote on abortion restriction bills. While tapping ‘life begins at conception’ in Morse code with his crossed fingers, Scheer swore none of that had any bearing on how he would act in the future.

“Oh, yes, I’m not going to reopen the issue of reproductive rights,” Scheer continued, pretending to cradle a baby. “And I don’t support the decision of twelve members of my caucus to attend pro-life rallies last week,” he said, cooing gently to his pretend baby.

“Canadians know exactly where I stand when it comes to abortion.”

Scheer also reiterated that despite a day long campaign strategy meeting with oil executives, he wasn’t in their pocket, and that hiring a former Rebel Media director as his campaign chair and speaking at a yellow vest rally does not mean he tolerates racism.

Interested In Writing Satire Like This? Check Out A Beaverton Workshop