Ontario introduces “Peanut Butter on Dick” sex-ed curriculum
TORONTO – In a surprising new development in Ontario’s controversial sex-ed curriculum rollback, the Progressive Conservative government announced a province-wide focus on Peanut Butter on …
Andrew Scheer texts unsolicited ‘pipeline pics’ to Canadian voters
OTTAWA — This weekend mobile phone users across Canada received unsolicited text messages from Conservative leader Andrew Scheer, featuring pictures that he described as his “huge, thick pi…
Canadians clean up at the Canadian Screen Awards
TORONTO – The seventh annual Canadian Screen Awards proved without a doubt that Canadians are the best at telling Canadian stories in Canada. ‘If you’ve heard of it or not, and it’s Canadian, it’…
BuzzFeed publishes correction after inaccurately reporting several things only 90’s kids understand
NEW YORK CITY – In an effort to maintain their reputation as a publication of record, BuzzFeed printed a correction today to an earlier story entitled 57 Things Only Kids Who Grew Up in the…
Report: JWR’s workout playlist just 200 hours of colleagues she’s secretly recorded
OTTAWA – A recently obtained copy of the former Justice Minister’s iTunes workout playlist consists entirely of secretly recorded conversations with her cabinet and caucus colleagues.…
New breed of action hero coolly walks toward explosion
HOLLYWOOD – Tired of the same old action movie trope of the badass protagonist calmly strolling away from an explosion he just caused, film producers are pushing for their heroes to break t…
75% of dogs’ nighttime anxiety caused by humans having sex in front of them
VANCOUVER – A new study from the University of British Columbia has officially proven that – similar to humans – dogs feel acute anxiety at nighttime, and that this anxiety is d…
Baby would like you to try his mashed sweet potato too
Kingston, ON — Upon completing his dinner, Joe Johnston, age 8 months and two weeks, would very very much like to share his mashed sweet potato with you. “At first I was like, no I’m fine”,…
Industrious woman spends entire night calculating the hours she has left to sleep
TORONTO – Fresh off a week of sleepless nights, local insomniac Amy Woodford decided to try a brilliant new tactic of meticulously mentally documenting how many hours of rest she could hypo…
Old man in locker room waits until last possible second to put dick away
BRANDON, MB – Sources are reporting that local senior citizen Morris Nesbit set a record recently in the changing facilities of the Brandon Super Fitness Centre by accomplishing every singl…
