VANCOUVER – Modern day Nazi hunter Jim Smith has confirmed to reporters that he honestly thought his job would take a lot more effort in 2019.
Smith, who joins a long tradition of committed activists seeking to unmask and bring justice to Nazis, has expressed surprise that his work tracking down contemporary Nazis requires surprisingly little sleuthing.
“They’re not even hiding in Argentina or anything. You can kind of just pick a confederate statue and hang around and eventually a crowd of them will make their way by.”
“I feel kind of bad for my colleagues working in the O.N. [Original Nazi] department. Their job is so much harder because their targets had some wits about them. Plus they’re all dead,” he added.
Smith elaborated that he had been prepared to spend years systematically tracking down violent and hateful people by questioning witnesses, combing through records, perhaps even moving cities or learning a new language to pick up a trail of clues.
“I honestly assumed I’d have to at least look through some forged Czechoslovakian passports or something,” Smith said. “But on the downside, now instead of going to Prague I have to go to rural Pennsylvania.”
Smith’s initial assumption was that most of his targets would have been hiding under assumed identities for a long time. However, he has been stunned by the ease with which he has located individuals espousing white-supremacist and violent views on websites hosted by multinational corporations.
“I ended up accidentally watching a Youtube video from a guy who said he was a Nazi when I finished watching one about toilet valves.”
“This is a gold mine!” he added before shuddering sadly.