The Beaverton

Hockey Canada ordered to pay nation’s therapy bills

Media promises to only fall for the ‘maybe Poilievre has changed’ story 4-5 more times

Carney opens Quebec speech by saying “We all agree Maurice Richard was overrated right?”

Serial killer’s cat insists on lying right across the warm corpse he’s working on

Canada chooses lawful evil over chaotic evil

A man getting a haircut with an unhappy expression on his face while his right ear bleeds

Barbershop customer a little worried after seeing huge chunk of ear hit floor

A&W ‘Uncle Burger’ actually just burger that Dad knows from bar

NORTH VANCOUVER – Under increasing pressure from his suspicious son, Papa Burger was forced to admit that Uncle Burger is just a friend of the Burger family that he knows from the local bar…

Everyone on subway trying not to pet seeing eye dog

TORONTO – A tense standoff is currently taking place on a TTC subway car between its passengers and a guide dog that everyone is desperately trying not to touch. “I’m terrified I’m actually going…

Dumbest man you know doing pretty well these days

OTTAWA — College friend Brandon Ward, a man you know to be dumb as bricks, is reportedly doing pretty well these days. According to sources which include Facebook, the Facebook app, and your frie…

Scheer awards carton of chocolate milk medal of bravery for saving son’s life

OTTAWA – At a touching ceremony at Rideau Hall, Opposition Leader Andrew Scheer issued a medal of bravery to a stalwart carton of chocolate milk symbolizing how the dairy product of questio…

Alberta threatens that it is open to the idea of possibly considering the notion of maybe exploring the concept of seceding from Canada perhaps

CALGARY – A shocking poll has revealed that over half of Albertans are not only not not opposed to the idea of remaining a part of Canada, they are actively considering considering the oppo…