Antarctic glacier heard you like your seawater on the rocks - The Beaverton

Antarctic glacier heard you like your seawater on the rocks

ANTARCTICA – After listening to humanity’s actions and proclamations for the past 60 years, a local took the hint and started preparing Earth’s seawater to be served on the rocks.

“It’s been quite an experiment,” the permafrost began. “I thought humans wanted their seawater at the normal levels and temperature, but it seems like they’re set in their ways, so let’s try breaking off some ice and throwing it in their global bodies of water.”

Experts have advised against such an action from the native, as the oceans could overflow, destroying thousands of acres of underwater ecosystems, and killing every living thing on the planet. Unfortunately the ice sheet in question is a natural phenomenon that keeps their word.

“Frankly I don’t think it’ll turn out well. I thought they’d be opposed once I told them it makes me pretty gassy, but hey if everyone’s letting their loose, why not me, right? Oh well, the customer’s always right I suppose,” slurred the dripping mass of ice.

At press time, the glacier somehow shrugged their shoulders and began breaking off ice into the , thereby dooming the world to the hubris of the rich.