Children agree not to get abducted after 8 PM so Amber Alert doesn’t wake anyone up
TORONTO – After receiving numerous complaints about Canada’s Amber Alert system that is activated day or night, the nation’s children have agreed to restrict their abduction times between t…
Anti-abortion politician supports exceptions for rape, incest, and being his mistress
WASHINGTON D.C. — United States politician Herb Phillman has unveiled a bold new stance on the controversial issue of abortion bans by proposing exceptions in instances of rape, incest, and being…
Male stripper’s navy uniform well below Canadian Armed Forces dress standard
MONTREAL – A male stripper posing as a member of the navy was heckled by a bachelorette party for improperly wearing his uniform before it was suggestively removed to the tune of the Villag…
Report: Millennials average net worth only 8000 likes
CALGARY, AB – Surveying the livelihood and stability of adults born between 1982 and 2004, a report released today has concluded that the net worth of the average millennial is only 8000 li…
Government: Impoverished First Nations children clearly haven’t seen Canada’s #1 rating in quality of life by US News
OTTAWA – The federal government has responded to a study indicating half of all First Nations on-reserve children live in poverty by pointing out that they just haven’t seen how Canada is r…
Shoppers Drug Mart launches PC Opium Points program
BRAMPTON, ON — Shoppers Drug Marts across the country have begun rolling out promotions for their new “PC Opium Points Points” program — a groundbreaking initiative that offers redeemable points …
Premiers’ meeting to be held in steam room now that there are no more female premiers
SASKATOON – The annual meeting of Canada’s provincial and territorial premiers, The Council of the Federation, starts today and as it’s the first time since 2008 there are no women attendin…
ESPN returns to ignoring Canada’s existence
BRISTOL, CT – After the departure of NBA Champion and former Toronto Raptor Kawhi Leonard to the LA Clippers, ESPN has resumed the assumption that Canada is a mythical, non-existent land wh…
Couple with great sex life looking to spice things up in the kitchen
KELOWNA, BC – After two years of consistently mind blowing sex, Greg Hayes and Lauren Morgan Clark are ready to take their relationship to the next level and start cooking together. “Greg a…
Nation’s loud, uninformed uncles line up to replace Don Cherry
TORONTO — With Rogers Sportsnet announcing that it has terminated Don Cherry’s Hockey Night In Canada contract following his recent on-air comments about immigrants, interest in the job has…
