Air Canada invokes notwithstanding clause to overturn Air Passenger Bill of Rights
OTTAWA – On the day the landmark Air Passenger Bill of Rights came into effect Canada’s largest airliner, Air Canada, announced it would be invoking the Notwithstanding Clause portion of th…
Celebrating Prime Day Results, Bezos awards all robots one extra squeeze of oil
SEATTLE, WA — Following the record 175 million items sold over the Prime Day Sale this past week, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos celebrated by giving each warehouse robot one extra squeeze of AmazonBasics…
QUIZ: We should totally grab a coffee sometime! When are you free?
Oh my god, HEY! It’s me, your friend from university! Wow, I can’t believe I ran into you here on the street, of all places! What a crazy coincidence! We haven’t seen each other in, what, five ye…
“I’ll remember where this receipt is” lies man
EDMONTON — “I’ll remember where I put this receipt in case I need to use the warranty on my new phone,” lied local man Aaron Hayes to himself this morning. “This was an expensive purchase, so I w…
5 purses for summer that are just various bags of takeout
With the inauguration of summer comes the inevitable transition from weighted winter sweaters to barely-there-bikinis. But finding the right purse to match your eazy-breezy summer vibe is no easy…
SPCA halts production on live-action Cats movie until all actors are spayed
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Fans of the legendary Broadway musical Cats were thrilled to watch the first trailer for its upcoming live-action film adaptation yesterday, but further production has been …
New photo filter shows what your data will look like when it’s shared with fascist governments
EDMONTON – Fresh on the heels of FaceApp’s popular old-age filter, social media users have discovered a shiny new plaything: ChonkyBrah, an app that shows with uncanny accuracy what it will…
A&W ‘Uncle Burger’ actually just burger that Dad knows from bar
NORTH VANCOUVER – Under increasing pressure from his suspicious son, Papa Burger was forced to admit that Uncle Burger is just a friend of the Burger family that he knows from the local bar…
Everyone on subway trying not to pet seeing eye dog
TORONTO – A tense standoff is currently taking place on a TTC subway car between its passengers and a guide dog that everyone is desperately trying not to touch. “I’m terrified I’m actually going…
Dumbest man you know doing pretty well these days
OTTAWA — College friend Brandon Ward, a man you know to be dumb as bricks, is reportedly doing pretty well these days. According to sources which include Facebook, the Facebook app, and your frie…
