Liberals to finally repeal law requiring nation's mothers to call us every time someone they know gets cancer - The Beaverton

Liberals to finally repeal law requiring nation’s mothers to call us every time someone they know gets cancer

OTTAWA – The Liberal Party announced today that they will finally move forward to repeal the ‘Have You Heard About’ Law, which requires every Canadian mother to immediately phone their adult children and tell them when they find out about a friend, colleague or loose acquaintance’s diagnosis.

“Canadians elected us to act decisively to solve the biggest issues facing our country today, and we intend to do just that,” said an exhausted looking after he finally managed to end a 2 hour phone call with his mom Maggie. “Canadians in their 20s, 30s and 40s have enough to worry about without spending half their day talking about the fact that our old mailman has stage 4 lung cancer.”

The Law has been in place since the Diefenbaker Administration. It states that all shall, within 1-2 hours of finding out, immediately call their children and say things like ‘Remember Ella Sanfred? Yes you do. You do! She was Jennifer’s neighbour’s best friend’s cousin. She made those brownies that time. Anyway she has a growth on her thyroid and it doesn’t look good. But how are you doing?’

The Law does not impose any punishments on moms who fail to tell their kids about every human being on earth with cancer. But that hasn’t stopped millions of Canadian moms from following the requirement to the letter.

“My mom always wonders why I don’t call more. But then when I do she spends half an hour describing in detail the lump my niece’s kindergarten teacher found on her breast,” said Kingston resident Marla Frommer.

Fortunately relief is finally on the horizon for our weary nation. However there is no word yet on whether the are going to do anything about the law requiring our dads to call us every time their wifi is down, even though we don’t live in the same city and have no possible way of helping them.