12 suspected vegans arrested in latest anti-Alberta energy inquiry raid
EDMONTON – An early morning raid on a vegan restaurant in downtown Edmonton has lead to the arrest of 12 suspected vegans for anti-Alberta energy activities. The seven women and five men ar…
Humpback whale unable to stop herself from eating delicious, delicious plastic bags
THE GREAT PACIFIC GARBAGE PATCH – Stuffing her fifth one that day into her mouth, a local humpback whale found herself unable to stop eating those delicious, delicious plastic bags scattere…
Following Hurricane Dorian, Nova Scotians still unaware Dartmouth floated away
HALIFAX — In the wake of Hurricane Dorian, a category 2 storm that battered the Maritimes, locals have yet to notice that the entire city of Dartmouth has been washed out to sea. Officials …
Snapping turtle keeps Greenbelt home after donating $100,000 to Ontario PCs
UXBRIDGE, ON – A wealthy snapping turtle from the Oak Ridges Moraine Conservation Area has successfully lobbied to keep her home after making a generous donation on the Ontario Progressive …
Disturbed by report he read in grocery store, Andrew Scheer demands Trudeau not allow the lizard people into Canada
OTTAWA – After reading a shocking article while waiting in line at the grocery store, Conservative leader Andrew Scheer is blasting Prime Minister Justin Trudeau for potentially allowing a …
QUIZ: Have you made an informed decision not to have children or are you a selfish witch?
Ah, children. Life’s little bundles of joy. Every woman’s purpose in life. Or do you disagree? Have you, an adult woman, thought hard about whether or not to have children and come out on the sid…
Municipalities warn we’re about to enter peak sewer clown season
KAMLOOPS, BC – As the beginning of autumn arrives, small towns are warning that September marks the beginning of sewer clown season and citizens should be on alert to avoid encountering the…
RCMP thank Maxime Bernier for making it easier to track white supremacists
OTTAWA – The Integrated National Security Enforcement Team of the RCMP have issued a personal thank you to People’s Party of Canada Leader Maxime Bernier for making their jobs much easier o…
Alberta schools to avoid provincial cuts by pretending to be an oil sands company
EDMONTON – In response to a report that called for dramatic cuts to health care and education to balance the budget, Alberta’s schools have already started rebranding themselves after oil s…
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