WINNIPEG, MB — Particle physicists at the University of Winnipeg have found a rare example of an atomic half-life crisis.
“It started when we noticed this one boron isotope acting a little strange,” Said lead researcher Dr. Scott Wixby. “We concluded Subject # B5203 was going through a half-life crisis after it was observed buying expensive new electrons, bonding with atoms that are way to young for it, and signing up for guitar lessons.”
Wixby and his team are currently monitoring B5203 to see if any further changes occur. “No one really knows what happens when a half-life crisis finishes. Currently, we are anticipating B5203 to start wearing leather pants or making sad attempts to hang out with those young photons in the next lab over.”
Reportedly, B5203 sees nothing unusual about its’ current behaviour. “I’m not worried about being halfway decayed.” Said B5203, in between reps with its free weights. “I’ve just been feeling really inert, you know? Like I’m just a cog in the molecule and nothing I do matters in the grand scheme of things.” B5203 would spend the rest of the interview talking about what other atoms in his molecule had accomplished at his age.
At press time, the team was currently working to convince the isotope that it had not put on any atomic weight.
