Airlines to start flying with the windows down to prevent spread of Covid
TORONTO – Several major airlines announced today that they would start flying their planes with the windows rolled down to help prevent the spread of the coronavirus. The earlier decision b…
Festivals on indefinite hold until deemed safe enough to have a 6’8’’ man block your view
GENEVA – Plans to allow music festivals to continue with their rescheduled dates have been put on indefinite hold by the World Health Organization until deemed safe enough to have a 6’8” ma…
Execs beg Tim Hortons CEO not to release Black Lives Matter specialty donut
TORONTO – Executives at Canada’s most beloved/least edible fast food chain Tim Hortons have been begging company CEO Daniel Schwartz not to release the planned specialty donut “honouring” t…
In push for racial unity, white woman volunteers to try jerk chicken
TORONTO – In solidarity with the Black Lives Matter movement and in an attempt to solve racial unrest once and for all, a local white woman volunteered to try jerk chicken for the very firs…
Disney World reopens in hopes that inevitable parental deaths will inspire future films
ORLANDO – As COVID-19 continues to surge in record numbers across Florida, Disney World made the controversial decision to reopen to the public yesterday in the hopes of gleaning story ideas from…
OPINION: Why don’t protesters do something useful like when I bang pots and pans for nurses?
For well over a month there has been a surge in protests in response to police brutality and anti-Black racism, and believe me, there is NOBODY who hates racism more than me. That’s why it’s so f…
Report: Cargo ship captain distracted by the awe-inspiring beauty of Welland
WELLAND – Two cargo ships collided in the Welland Canal after a captain was bedazzled by the sight and tremendous beauty of the City of Welland. “They call this utopia the ‘Rose City,’” sai…
Only Canadian who supports reopening US border catapulted across Detroit River
WINDSOR – The only Canadian who responded ‘yes’ to an Nanos poll on whether Canada should reopen the Canada-US border for non-essential travel has been promptly ejected from the country via…
Liberals desperately searching for a Liberal without ties to WE Charity
OTTAWA – As yet another Liberal, this time Finance Minister Bill Morneau, has been shown to have links to the WE Charity which was briefly awarded control of a $900 million student summer g…
Allow me to use my nationally syndicated column to tell you how my voice is being suppressed
By: Edgar Finkel You may have read the recent Harper’s letter in which prominent writers like Malcolm Gladwell and JK Rowling expressed a deep concern over the growing intolerance for opposing vi…
