OTTAWA – Moving on from Andrew Scheer The Conservative Party has selected for it’s leader Durham MP and guy who has for sure gotten into a tussle at a minor league hockey game Erin O’Toole.
“Canadians did not respond to Andrew Scheer’s brand of smiley, passive-aggressive social conservatism,” said MP Scott Aitchison. “So clearly it’s time for Erin O’Toole’s brand of ‘gruff, throw coffee at another hockey dad, call the ref a bitch’ social conservatism.”
“It’s time to take Canada back from the Trudeau Liberals and that idiot opposing coach who got in Erin’s face first!”
O’Toole won support from hardline Conservatives who liked his commitment to de-regulation, gun ownership and totally jerseying any punk in the stands who insulted his kid or looked at him funny.
“You just know that guy has been getting into kerfuffles, scrapes and donnybrooks all the way around the Greater Toronto Hockey League. Really speaks to regular everyday Canadians like me who just need to take out their anger on somebody,” said voter Dave Pritchett.
O’Toole won over his competitors ‘guy who called his ex-girlfriend a liberal dog’ ‘woman who sounds good until you look into any of her policies’ and ‘guy whose transparent racism will not stop him from being appointed to cabinet if Conservatives form government.’