Sudoku player goes on wild ride after placing two 7s in the same column
TOFINO, BC – A local Sudoku player is recovering from a white-knuckle brush with the edge after a simple mistake sent him on a terrifying backtracking adventure to salvage almost 14 minutes…
Don Cherry passes Fox News job interview
NEW YORK – Former host of Coach’s Corner has successfully passed his Fox News commentator/reporter interview with flying colours after a televised discussion with Tucker Carlson. “We’re ver…
New ISIS Leader torn between striped tie and paisley tie for first day
Syria – Earlier this morning newly appointed ISIS leader Abu Ibrahim al-Hashimi al-Qurayshi was at a loss for which tie to wear on his first day, reportedly standing in front of the mirror …
Designated driver drunk on power
Phelpston, ON – After an hour at Gabe Newton’s 23rd Birthday Bash designated driver Mark Lougheed, drunk on power, has decreed that he is ready to leave and has decided that all those he br…
Alberta legislation permits health care workers to religiously sacrifice patients
EDMONTON – Alberta’s UCP government has hastily passed legislation to permit health care workers the right to make human sacrifices to appease their respective deities. The Conscience…
Fabricland files for bankruptcy after biggest customer fired from Coach’s Corner
TORONTO – Canada’s Largest Fashion Fabric Distributor Fabricland says it will be shutting its doors now that its largest customer, Don Cherry, has been fired from by Sportsnet. Over 5…
Juul unveils wrongful-death-lawsuit flavoured pods
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Following this past week’s announcement that Juul Labs would be discontinuing their top-selling mint e-cigarette pods, the company has revealed its plans to release wron…
Man voted 7th greatest Canadian of all time says 845th racist thing
TORONTO – Donald ‘Grapes’ Cherry, a failed hockey coach and current hockey commentator who Canadians saw fit to vote as the 7th greatest Canadian of all time, is under fire for saying a rac…
$200 winter boots makes man weigh pros and cons of having feet
THUNDER BAY, ON- While out shopping for boots to last through the upcoming Canadian winter, local man Alan Watt began weighing the pros and cons of owning feet, after seeing a $200 price tag. “I …
Sportsnet reminds viewers of its zero-consequence-for-racism policy
TORONTO – Sportsnet has responded to Don Cherry’s recent comments towards immigrants by reminding fans that it has a zero-consequence policy for anything racist the host says. “We strongly …
