Canada politely declines U.S. politicians’ request to kill thousands of our residents

OTTAWA – Despite wanting to maintain warm relations with the United States, Canadian officials today rejected the letter from Members of Congress asking that we reopen the border and kill t…

Washington Redskins to change name to Cleveland Indians

WASHINGTON D.C. – Following intense pressure from multiple groups and the public at large, the Washington Redskins have proudly announced that they will be officially changing their team name to …

Officer working at ninth police department in ten years probably just filled with wanderlust

Lawrence, KS — Though there are many possible reasons that Constable Dennis Bass has worked at nine different police departments over the last ten years, law enforcement experts agree that the mo…

Home gyms struggle to retain members after early-pandemic trial period ends

VANCOUVER – At-home gyms across the country are reporting a steep drop in membership after an initial spike during the early stages of the COVID-19 pandemic. “When the pandemic began rampin…

Airlines to start flying with the windows down to prevent spread of Covid

TORONTO – Several major airlines announced today that they would start flying their planes with the windows rolled down to help prevent the spread of the coronavirus. The earlier decision b…

Festivals on indefinite hold until deemed safe enough to have a 6’8’’ man block your view

GENEVA – Plans to allow music festivals to continue with their rescheduled dates have been put on indefinite hold by the World Health Organization until deemed safe enough to have a 6’8” ma…

Execs beg Tim Hortons CEO not to release Black Lives Matter specialty donut

TORONTO – Executives at Canada’s most beloved/least edible fast food chain Tim Hortons have been begging company CEO Daniel Schwartz not to release the planned specialty donut “honouring” t…

In push for racial unity, white woman volunteers to try jerk chicken

TORONTO – In solidarity with the Black Lives Matter movement and in an attempt to solve racial unrest once and for all, a local white woman volunteered to try jerk chicken for the very firs…

Disney World reopens in hopes that inevitable parental deaths will inspire future films

ORLANDO – As COVID-19 continues to surge in record numbers across Florida, Disney World made the controversial decision to reopen to the public yesterday in the hopes of gleaning story ideas from…

OPINION: Why don’t protesters do something useful like when I bang pots and pans for nurses?

For well over a month there has been a surge in protests in response to police brutality and anti-Black racism, and believe me, there is NOBODY who hates racism more than me. That’s why it’s so f…