TORONTO – While he did not vote for Doug Ford, local man Daniel Waite has confided that he is pretty impressed with his handling of the COVID crisis to the body of his dead grandmother, who passed away in one of the long-term care facilities that Ford knew was under threat in January, but did nothing about.
“I mean, obviously I’m not a big fan of his style or the way he says ‘folks’ all the time, but think of how bad things could have been if he hadn’t stepped up to the plate,” said Waite as he used Zoom to remotely participate in his grandmother’s memorial service.
“It just goes to show, you never know what people are capable of,” he added over his mom’s sobs.
Ford’s popularity has been revived by his handling of the COVID pandemic, which has included highlights like the time he nodded as a doctor was speaking, the time he called anti-maskers ‘yahoos’, and that time he re-opened schools with essentially no plan for how to deal with the inevitable second wave that is currently undermining every bit of progress Ontarians earned by living in isolation for the last 6 months.
“I mean, it’s either praise Doug Ford for doing a good job or recognize that we as a society are so desperate for a reassuring authority figure that we praised an incompetent buffoon even as his actions caused hundreds, if not thousands, of unnecessary deaths. And I know which choice I’m going with,” said Waite.
In related news Doug Ford has announced that you can only see your parents on thanksgiving if you pay for the meal and they collect HST.