Americans fleeing COVID try to sneak into Canada by disguising themselves as NHL players

DETROIT/WINDSOR BORDER – As NHL teams have made the journey to the league’s two bubble cities of Edmonton and Toronto, many Americans attempting to escape the pandemic have taken to disguis…

WE charity sends Trudeau, Morneau on volunteer trip to Guatemala to self-discover ethics

GUATEMALA CITY – WE Charity is sending Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and Finance Minister Bill Morneau on a volunteer trip to help the poor, explore new cultures, and self-discover their et…

Report: man who flossed two nights in a row finally has gotten life back together

CALGARY – In a big win, 32-year-old Dave Frescos has finally managed to gather the internal strength necessary to floss for two nights in a row after weeks quarantined alone in a basement a…

Guy who won’t wear mask in store promises to pull out before he coughs

TORONTO – After a small business owner reminded him of the city bylaw mandating people to wear masks in indoor public spaces, local shopper Jason Anguiano insisted that since he doesn’t lik…

Woman late to join Animal Crossing has been making mortgage payments to raccoon outside apartment

THORNHILL, ON – Four months after the release of the wildly popular video game Animal Crossing: New Horizons, Leondra Mendoza sat down with her partner to admit to them that she had been ma…

One Direction reach 10-year anniversary, submit bodies to recycler to make way for fresh crop of heartthrobs

LOS ANGELES – Hit boy-band One Direction are celebrating their 10-year anniversary this week before surrendering their bodies back to the music industry to be recycled. The group was assemb…

“Hey girl, Class of ’08”: 5 ways to tell if the girl from your high school is messaging you about a cult

We’ve literally all been there. You get a new message from someone you haven’t talked to in a while. You open it. And only then do you realize that it’s that girl from your old high school asking…

“I finally feel like me again,” says Ford after introducing anti-tenant legislation, blaming young for COVID spike

TORONTO – After months of behaving like a different, more competent and compassionate premier, Doug Ford says he has finally found himself again this week after blaming young Ontarians̵…

Avatar 2 delayed until after Avatar 3

LOS ANGELES – Director James Cameron has announced today that Avatar 2, the long-gestating sequel to his 2009 magnum opus, has been delayed by COVID-19 restrictions, and will not be coming …

Lame coronavirus party infects 0 people

TUSCALOOSA, AL- The latest in an underwhelming series of coronavirus parties at a University of Alabama frat house has reportedly failed to create a single new case of COVID-19. “This party blows…