Headless Mitch McConnell says there’s nothing wrong with his health
WASHINGTON – A decapitated US Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell says there are no concerns about his health. “Everything is fine,” said the body of McConnell speaking from his neck cav…
5 tips for better sleep that you can read on your bright phone at 2AM
Sleep is vital to good health but studies find that 1 in 4 Canadian adults don’t get their recommended nightly amount of Z’s. So we’ve created this easy-to-read guide of tips for better sle…
Representation win! This Hallmark movie will feature the whitest, straightest-looking gay couple
Hamilton, ON – In a landmark move towards representation and inclusion, the network behind beloved holiday movies that traditionally centre around heterosexual romances, will now feature th…
Robot’s parents very proud of her for finally passing CAPTCHA test
CALGARY – After years of trying to pass one of the ubiquitous CAPTCHA tests that are designed to be inscrutable to artificial intelligences, local humanoid robot LV82245, known to her frien…
Toronto police demand G20 victims accept apology and disperse
TORONTO – Speaking through a megaphone from behind a line of riot police, Toronto police chief James Ramer warned over 1000 people unjustly arrested and detained during the 2010 G-20 summit…
Trudeau ready to trigger election if cafeteria doesn’t have those delicious mozza sticks
OTTAWA – While waiting in line at the Parliamentary cafeteria, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said he’s willing to go to the polls if he doesn’t get his hands on some gooey mozza sticks with…
Guy wearing brown cape hopefully just quirky and not some weird new kind of white supremacist
OTTAWA – According to reports, a man spotted wearing a brown cape with a little hood is, dear God let’s hope, just really into Lord of the Rings or something and not wearing this as a kind of sig…
Pope Francis supports gay civil unions in an attempt to bring Catholicism into the ‘90s
VATICAN CITY – Speaking in a new documentary, Pope Francis has revealed his support for legal recognition of same-sex civil unions as part of his revolutionary plan to make the Roman Cathol…
Alberta removes education from curriculum
EDMONTON – After taking recommendations from hand-picked advisors, Premier Jason Kenney UCP government will be removing education from the province’s curriculum. Any form of learning will b…
Dad reporting daily COVID numbers to family with intensity of Wall Street day trader
TORONTO – For the past couple months, Mohamed Tekin has been diligently reporting daily COVID numbers to his family. However, within the last month, the father of three’s obsession with fol…
