While most young people experience sexual awakenings as a result of cute movie stars, attractive musicians, or even neighbourhood hotties, a population of Canadians were lucky enough to have Jean Chre...
Oh No: This COVID hotel has themed rooms
Need yet another reason to postpone travel during this once-in-a-century global pandemic? This quarantine hotel has you covered – by mandating themed rooms for all international arrivals! The we...
NASA warns alien life may not be fuckable
WASHINGTON – Following a recent uptick in UFO interest, NASA cautioned curious citizens against the notion that extraterrestrial life will be sexually desirable. NASA’s interstellar sexual...
BuzzFeed posts “Which Of The Journalists We Just Laid Off Are You?” quiz
NEW YORK CITY – BuzzFeed is encouraging readers to design their dream Disney date to help them determine which of the 70 journalists, producers, editors, and other workers they just laid off they are....
Local man scrambles to find last-minute gift for one year COVID anniversary
CALGARY – A local man who has somehow miraculously forgotten that he’s been locked inside for a year is scrambling to put together a gift for his one year COVID anniversary. “I just don’t know how I c...
Local introvert regrets making that wish on Monkey’s Paw last year
KITCHENER-WATERLOO – Herb White, a self-avowed introvert, expressed deep regret about the wish he made last year upon finding a monkey’s paw by the side of the road. “Since last year, a global ...
Man without mask immune to COVID “because he’s outside”
MISSISSAUGA – Local area man, Garth Fuller, is reportedly immune to COVID because “he’s outside” and therefore, is not required to wear a mask. “It’s something with the wind,” said Garth Fuller,...
Editorial: Woke cancel culture has gone too far and no, I don’t have any specific examples – by Rex Murphy
by Rex Murphy Well, the illiberal cultural warriors are at it again, imposing their dogmatic doctrines to cancel innocent citizens who don’t share their woke views, although no, I’m not currently at l...
Burger King attempts to topple British Royal Family as most regressive monarchy
MIAMI, FL – Following the tell-all Oprah interview with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, fast food royalty Burger King tweeted “Women belong in the kitchen” in an attempt to overtake the British ...
UK: don’t say bad things about our rich mummy
LONDON – The United Kingdom reacted with outrage to jokes about Queen Elizabeth II’s passing by demanding everyone stop saying bad things about their rich mummy. “Rich mummy was the ...
