Global security threat infects global security threat
WASHINGTON – A dangerous threat to global stability and human health announced he has contracted a dangerous threat to global stability and human health. The deadly pair have ruined nationa…
Shredder refuses to denounce Foot Clan
NEW YORK CITY – After telling the Foot Clan to, “stand by”, prominent New York businessman and armoured, ninja guy, Shredder, is under heavy fire for his refusal to denounce the group. “I d…
Saskatchewan judge sentences another drunk driver to run for provincial office
REGINA – As a part of his sentencing, another Saskatchewan man will serve as a candidate in the upcoming provincial election. Jake Brown, a 43-year-old clerk from Yorkton, will now be the S…
Experts say new limits on social gatherings a great way to exclude that loser Greg
TORONTO – In response to the spike of Covid 19 cases across much of the nation, provinces are introducing new, stricter limits on the amount of people who are allowed to meet, which many ex…
5 ways to suggest an open marriage that all end in divorce
Though you may not have signed up for an open marriage when you said “I do,” that doesn’t mean you and your spouse can’t rewrite the rules mid-game! Here are five subtle ways to casually bring up…
Group of 14 drinking together at bar claim they are part of same 10 person bubble
Sarnia, ON – A group of 14 people who spent last night drinking and partying in very close proximity to one another say it’s fine because they are all in a 10 person bubble together. …
Trump writes off debate loss on taxes
CLEVELAND – US President Donald Trump has written off his debate loss to former Vice President Joe Biden on his taxes saving him $5 million in refunds. Despite a time-tested strategy of con…
“I don’t think the COVID second wave will be so bad,” says man who will be primary cause of third wave
TORONTO – Local man Charlie Denison has expressed his opinion that the second wave of COVID will not be as bad as everyone fears, and he can continue doing the activities that will be a dir…
Woman reports home yoga not the same when person’s butt not in face
NEW BRUNSWICK – Local woman, and self-identified yogi, Marsha Fellows, has reported that home yoga is just not the same when there isn’t a fellow patron’s butt in her face. “It just feels d…
Toronto police warn those breaking quarantine will be issued a stern selfie
TORONTO – Toronto Police Services are issuing a warning to those violating mandatory quarantine rules or breaking other public health laws to combat the spread of COVID-19: you will get a s…
