Report: Trump has now lost the election more times than every other Presidential candidate combined

WASHINGTON D.C. – After the Supreme Court refused to even hear Texas’ effort to overturn the results of the Presidential election, Donald Trump has now lost a presidential election more tim…

Ford moving York Region into lockdown now that everyone from Peel and Toronto have had time to do their shopping there

TORONTO – The provincial government today announced their intention to send York Region into the grey zone of Ontario’s COVID-19 framework now that both Toronto and Peel residents have had …

Desperate Trump demands recount in New Brunswick

MONCTON, NB – Following unsuccessful recounts in Wisconsin and Georgia, along with mounting court challenges, Trump is now demanding a recount in the Canadian maritime province of New Bruns…

Star Wars fans excited about new series starring Gleep Glorp, or whoever the fuck 

BURBANK, CA – Yesterday, the Walt Disney Company announced 10 new Star Wars TV series starring beloved characters like Dorfus Kent, Ultra Moff Charlie, and Fudge Offal, or some nonsense like that…

Christopher Nolan wants audiences to see movies the right way: sitting in a seat some teenager got to third base in

BURBANK, CA – In the wake of Warner Bros.’ announcement that they will release their entire lineup of 2021 films in theatres and on HBOMax simultaneously, several industry players have come out i…

“White men are the problem” says white woman who is also the problem

VANCOUVER – Reporting from a new juice bar in the gentrified neighbourhood of Chinatown, white woman, Clarissa Rogers, claimed that white men are to blame for societal inequities. “Like tod…

B.C. makes controversial decision to give first 4000 doses of COVID vaccine to stars of The CW’s Riverdale

VANCOUVER – The government of B.C. has announced how they will be dispensing the 4000 doses of the coronavirus vaccine the province is set to receive next week, and all of them are going to…

Patrick from life insurance commercial dies, insurance company denies coverage

Moose Jaw, SK – Patrick Donahue, known throughout Canada as “It’s Patrick he took out life insurance!” from that commercial has unfortunately passed away, and his insuranc…

Facebook responds to antitrust lawsuits with acquisition of Justice Department

MENLO PARK, CA – In response to twin antitrust lawsuits launched by dozens of states and the federal government, social media giant Facebook has purchased the United States Justice Departme…

Tech startup proud to be first to hire an actual Invisible Minority

TORONTO, ON – In an effort to further bridge the gap of employment inequality, Toronto-based tech startup Diverse-Tech has hired an invisible minority. “When applications started to come in…