From the creators of Shark Week, comes Shart Week
NATIONWIDE – From the minds that brought you Shark Week, comes an entirely original week-long thrill about accidentally pooping when passing gas, called Shart Week. “There I was, alone in t…
Death of print media leaves spy exposed
REDACTED – The widespread proliferation of newspapers once guaranteed covert operatives like John Stuggs a portable piece of cover, now agents like him are left with only their smartphones …
Ford slams feds for not testing his finance minister returning from vacation
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford denounced the federal government for not testing his cabinet minister Rod Phillips and others who are returning from international vacations. Phillips wa…
Report: Praying Mantises not as good at Kung Fu as legends claim
TORONTO, ON – A new study from the University of Toronto’s Centre for Martial Arts Research is suggesting that the long-held belief that mantis style kung fu was learned from watching actua…
“My, how you’ve grown,” report nation’s wolves-in-grandma’s clothes
OTTAWA – Across Canada, thousands of wolves-in-grandma’s clothes expressed delight at how much their “grandchildren” have grown since the last time they’ve seen them. “Uh why are my ears so…
Nation’s Victorian great uncles announce plans to marry their wards
YORK — In a joint statement to the press, a consortium of Victorian-era great uncles this week made public their intentions to marry the rich, orphaned heiresses under their legal guardianship. “…
Rudolph dies in freak reindeer games accident
BELLEVILLE, ON – Belleville Police have reported that Rudolph the Reindeer (recognizable from his trademark glowing red nose) has been found dead in the parking lot of a local Wal-Mart. Pol…
Deadbeat dad behind in health care system payments
TORONTO – A negligent father of over 14 million citizens is still behind in health care system payments. The unprepared political parent only started to reappear in the family picture when …
Precocious orphan affects English accent in desperate bid for “s’more”
LONDON, ON – Having pursued multiple avenues to acquire additional portions of food, local orphan Gordon Durnin has adopted an English accent in an audacious attempt to get “s’more.” “S’mor…
Here are all the butts we found in the National Gallery of Canada
For your convenience and artistic taste, we bring you a tour of all the bare asses we found from the National Gallery of Canada in Ottawa. Butt In The Reflection. Ass Near Faun. Frolicking Derriè…
