Crow pretty jazzed to grab engagement ring after couple finishes fighting in the park
VICTORIA, BC – During a midday flight through a lovely park, local crow Beaks McCaw spotted an exciting opportunity to add to her collection of shiny things upon witnessing an engaged coupl…
Ford unwilling to administer vaccines because he has named each one, grown attached
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford is unwillingly to administer all the vaccines the federal government has acquired and supplied to Ontario because he has named each one and grown attache…
Hundreds of Millennials treated for bruised egos after trying to middle-part hair
LETHBRIDGE – Doctors across Canada have been overwhelmed by a sudden surge of Millennials being treated for bruised egos and wounded pride after trying to middle-part their hair. “We’re st…
Dentist fooled by patient who brushed teeth really well just before annual visit
WATERLOO, ONT – Local dentist, Dr. Rita Johnson, was reportedly fooled into thinking her patient had excellent oral hygiene even though they only brushed their teeth really well moments bef…
Torontonian engages in beloved Toronto pastime of threatening to leave Toronto
TORONTO – Torontonian and lesser media personality Jon Stills sparked a lively online conversation last Thursday after a Twitter thread continued the longstanding and beloved Toronto pastim…
Conservative delegates vote against recognizing Climate Change, winning elections
OTTAWA – Delegates at the Conservative Party’s policy convention have voted against confirming “climate change is real” and also against winning another election. By a margin of 54 percent …
Netfilx’s newest dating show asks: Can we get these sexy singles to fuck this tree?
LOS ANGELES – On the heels of the success of last year’s reality shows, Love is Blind and Too Hot to Handle, Netflix has announced the launch of a new reality dating show designed to answer…
Local husband gives wife traditional present ‘something she randomly mentioned the day before’
SWIFT CURRENT, SK – Brian Warriner, husband to Glenda Warriner for fourteen years, continued his yearly tradition of remembering his wife’s birthday, listening to her as she mentioned somet…
York Professor asks for a note from a dictator before agreeing to defer student’s exam
TORONTO – York University Professor Emanoil Theodorescu demanded a Myanmar based student produce a note from his country’s dictator before he would grant them a deferral on their midterm ex…
West Toronto getting close to 2025 goal of 1 cannabis dispensary per household
TORONTO – Mayor John Tory has announced that West Toronto is on track to meet its 2025 goal of 1 cannabis dispensary per household. Following legalization in 2018 Ontario found itself last …
