“I think we all know how this will end,” said Leafs Coach Sheldon Keefe at a press conference. “We owe it to our fans not to torture them with the false hopes that we’ll win tonight. We decided, as a team, that this game is really not worth it.”
Potential injuries during their inevitable last game of the season may affect players’ golf swings, warned the team’s doctor.
“In a way, we all win in this situation,” said the team’s goaltender and saint Jack Campbell. “Even though I’m having the greatest season in my career, I don’t blame the players. We’re all in this together. Now you must excuse me, I have to donate all of my earnings to the local children’s hospital.”
At press time, star players like Auston Matthews and Mitch Marner already gave up their season six games ago.