AJAX – Ajax mayor Shaun Collier announced in a press conference today that Ajax has changed its town motto to ‘Not Fucking Pickering, That’s For Damn Sure’. The new slogan replaces Ajax’s old mo...
PMO casually inquires how many oil tankers could sail through flooded parts of BC
OTTAWA – With large parts of British Columbia still underwater due to climate change-related rainfall, the Prime Minister’s Office has offered condolences and also lowkey asked whether oil tanke...
B.C. Public Safety Minister clarifies that title is ceremonial, like “Princess” or “Birthday Boy”
VICTORIA – After yet another disaster during which the provincial government left crucial public safety decisions up to a patchwork of small municipalities, the B.C. Minister of Public Safety is...
Nickelodeon launching new kids show “That’s Problematic!”
NEW YORK – Leading Nickelodeon’s fall lineup is a new kids show, “That’s Problematic!” The show presents and addresses a myriad of issues that were accepted uncritically by previous generations ...
True crime podcasters running out of ways to segue from life-ruining event to mattress commercial
WINNIPEG – Hosts of the smash-hit podcast “A Murder Most Un-Lit” have become mired in one of the most common foibles of true crime fame – the struggle to naturally segue from the retelling...
Alberta decides not to have referendum on accepting $3.8 billion in childcare funding from Ottawa
EDMONTON – Despite having a recent referendum on whether equalization payments should be removed from the constitution, the government of Alberta has decided that a vote will not be necessary to...
BC Ferries launches new route to Kamloops
KAMLOOPS, BC – BC Ferries has announced a new service from Victoria to Kamloops, weaving through the newly established inlets and fjords. “We’re proud to be seizing the opportunities that climat...
COP26 delegates promise to announce plan to cut global emissions 45% by 2030 in 2031
GLASGOW – The UN Climate Change Summit concluded yesterday with delegates from the representative countries promising to release a detailed plan to meet the much needed 45% emission cut by 2030 ...
Friend group reschedules Zoom hangout for 86th week in a row
WATERLOO, ON – A local group of friends who all met working at a Second Cup in 2015 have been meaning to have a Zoom catchup since the beginning of the pandemic, and have now rescheduled for the...
Supply chain issues continue to flummox nation’s “guys who know a guy”
VANCOUVER – Distributors continue to struggle with supply chain issues as economies reopen around the world. As a result, Canadians can expect to be waiting longer and paying more whether shoppi...
