Local man relieved COVID symptoms actually just depression
CALGARY, AB – After displaying numerous symptoms of COVID-19, local accounts manager Bryan Gramble has reported feeling a wave of relief upon discovering all of the symptoms were actually r…
Inflatable tube man wonders if there is more to life than insane car prices
HAMILTON – The inflatable tube man positioned outside Dave’s Used Car Lot is starting to wonder if there is more to life than insane car prices. The air dancer – nicknamed Windy Pete …
EDITORIAL: Antifa spoiled my crops, soured my dairy cows, and fucked my wife
by Mr. Delaware Jackson of Branson, Missouri As a farmer and an American, I’ve had it just about up to here with Antifa attacking my way of life! Before Antifa, everything was perfect: my dairy c…
Alberta’s war room counters “Bigfoot Family” with $50 million production of “Peter the Pipeline”
EDMONTON – Alberta’s Canadian Energy Centre announced its own production of a kid’s movie about an industrious pipeline who dreams of stretching across two countries in response to Netflix’…
Mom calling to ask if you’ll visit soon actually just COVID wearing wig and glasses
BARRIE, ON – Your mom, last seen at a grocery store opening a produce bag with her teeth, called you at 7:45pm to ask when you were going to hop on a Megabus up to Barrie, Ontario to visit.…
Sleepy man just going to lie down on this couch, and whatever happens, happens
GIMLI, MB – After suffering from intense fatigue all morning, local man Gerald Hines has elected to stop trying to control the future and lie down on his couch in the middle of the day. “Th…
79-year old with fake ID trying to keep it cool in vaccination line
Barrie, ON – Local septuagenarian Elise Reede is reportedly trying to avoid drawing attention to her forged ID that says she’s 80 years old while she waits to receive a COVID vaccination. “…
Seagull quits cigarette butts in favour of discarded Juul pods
VANCOUVER – Mirroring the popular shift from smoking to vaping amongst human smokers, a nicotine-addicted seagull has switched from eating cigarette butts to eating discarded Juul pods. “Th…
Hockey Night In Canada names Piers Morgan new host of Coach’s Corner
TORONTO – Hockey Night in Canada announced today that they were bringing back their long-running Coach’s Corner first-intermission segment with Ron MacLean and new ‘Coach’ Piers Morgan. “Pi…
Quiz: Was seeing Jean Chretien choke a guy your sexual awakening or are you normal?
While most young people experience sexual awakenings as a result of cute movie stars, attractive musicians, or even neighbourhood hotties, a population of Canadians were lucky enough to have Jean…
