Local Satanist worried his church is only second most evil
BARRIE, ON – After reading about the latest controversy surrounding the Catholic church, devout Satanist Damien Winslow is conflicted on whether or not his faith is doing enough of the devi…
Ontario movie theatres reopen just in time for sweaty hand job season
SCARBOROUGH – Ontario is rejoicing as the province moves into stage three, seeing the return of indoor dining, casinos, and perhaps the most anticipated, movie theatres making a triumphant …
Mobile data in Canada is so expensive we can’t in good conscience ask you to read this article on your phone
OTTAWA – A new study analyzing the cost of cellphone plans and data worldwide has revealed that Canadians pay the highest mobility rates out of 44 countries- wait. Are you reading this on y…
Leafs fans think team should trade their bad players for other teams’ good players
TORONTO – With the NHL offseason in full swing Leafs fans have begun engaging in their usual speculation and prognostication concerning how the team could make itself better by trading some…
Disney announces new Pocahontas movie exploring tragic, sympathetic backstory of white Christian imperialism
LOS ANGELES – Following the success of their hit movies MALEFICENT and CRUELLA, Disney have announced that it plans to continue the trend of movies that humanize and sympathize with famous …
Kenney bangs pan to celebrate nurses as they enter meeting to negotiate salary cuts
CALGARY – As representatives from the Nurses’ Union entered the meeting to negotiate how much the Provincial Government would cut their salaries by, Premier Jason Kenney took a moment…
Report: Companies moving toward hybrid model where employees work from home part-time but live in office
TORONTO — As normalcy slowly returns to the corporate world, a growing number of companies are taking to heart the lessons learned during the pandemic and allowing returning staff to work from ho…
Man who inherited Muskoka cottage shares opinion on land sovereignty
Muskoka, ON – Seasonal resident, David Lyons who inherited a million dollar Muskoka cottage, has an opinion on Indigenous land sovereignty. “It doesn’t make sense,” began a 60 year old Lyon…
Bezos, Musk, Branson announce plan to launch giant pile of money into space
SPACEPORT AMERICA — Billionaire entrepreneurs Richard Branson, Jeff Bezos, and Elon Musk have announced plans to pool their resources to launch a collective $100 billion dollars in unmarked…
