Drunken Habs GM sends 2am offer sheets to Hurricane Ida, “Oh Carolina” by Shaggy and Tottenham’s Harry Kane
MONTREAL – Montreal Canadiens General Manager Marc Bergevin submitted three bizarre offer sheets in the wee hours of the morning to NHL head offices. He commandeered the Habs Twitter accoun…
Ryerson University struggles to find unproblematic Canadian historical figure to change name to
TORONTO – After finally agreeing to change the name of their university due their namesake’s role in the residential school system, Ryerson University is currently facing difficulty in find…
Sean Bean expected to die in biopic about Sean Bean
LOS ANGELES – A recent press release for the upcoming biographical drama based on the life of actor Sean Bean has implied that it will feature yet another death scene for the actor, best kn…
Erin O’Toole speaks out against the violent anti-vaxxers whose support he is actively courting
OTTAWA – As aggressive right-wing, anti-vax protestors continue to scream obscenities and shout at staff during Trudeau rallies, Conservative leader Erin O’Toole has called their beha…
Local woman says cat helped bake muffins even though cat just sat there and did fuck all
PICKERING, ON – Maci Livingston, a 28-year-old programmer recently made home-made muffins for a small get-together she was having, claiming her cat Pumpkin, 2, helped bake them despite the …
Scotiabank purchases naming rights on all future Canadian variants of coronavirus
TORONTO – In light of news that the World Health Organization would be renaming key variants of COVID-19, Scotiabank has announced plans to bid on the naming rights of all future coronaviru…
Wow! This cat detected his owner’s undiagnosed cancer and isn’t going to do anything about it
Me-Wow! When four-year-old cat Miles noticed his owner’s pallid skin and increasingly sluggish behaviour, he immediately clocked the Stage I carcinoma slowly growing in owner Sophia Reinhart̵…
Federal election downgraded to Twitter poll with Trudeau asking, “Do you like me?”
OTTAWA – Recently, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau asked for a dissolution of parliament. With many condemning him due to its unencessity, Trudeau took to his Twitter, instead, to run a poll …
Trudeau asks Governor General to declare election takesies backsies
OTTAWA – As the Conservative Party surges in the polls, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has asked Governor General Mary Simon to revoke the election writ that dropped two weeks ago, invoking …
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