TORONTO – After you posted that you tested positive for COVID despite barely leaving the house, friends in the comments took the opportunity to advise that they too have been diagnosed with the same infection, despite actually being even more careful than you.
“Yeah well I got COVID even though I only went outside once to shovel the snow on my elderly neighbour’s driveway,” said one.
“I got COVID even though I spent the last month inside, lying perfectly still under a weighted blanket and constantly misting myself with sanitizer,” added another.
Health experts say establishing how strictly one had followed COVID safety guidelines before contracting the virus has already replaced ‘how much money you make’ ‘how much sex you have’ and ‘how nice your car is’ on the list of things people compete over to distract from the hellscape we are currently living in.
“I got COVID even though I tunneled underground and have been living as a mole person for the last 6 months,” added your aunt in the comments.
In related news your friend who doesn’t follow any of the rules and is still hooking up with randos every night hasn’t gotten it, because life is bullshit.