Date night downgraded to hand stuff night
LETHBRIDGE – According to local sources, Alex and Taylor Shepherd’s plans for a date night have been scaled back to lethargic hand stuff in front of the TV. “I was going to treat Alex to dinner a…
Winter Olympics add new event for cross-country infection
LAUSANNE, SWITZERLAND – In response to growing concerns about the highly-infectious Omicron variant, the International Olympic Committee has opted to do the right thing and add a new event …
Vanilla Ice hopes Spotify notices he also removed his music in Joe Rogan protest
Stockholm, Sweden – After Neil Young has made headlines for removing his music from Spotify in protest of Joe Rogan’s COVID misinformation, Vanilla Ice has removed his music in the hopes so…
Erin O’Toole ousted to make way for new CPC leader: this Fuck Trudeau flag
OTTAWA – Conservative Party leader Erin O’Toole has been removed in a caucus revolt, and will be replaced by a “Fuck Trudeau” flag that one of the MPs found outside Parliament Hill. The sec…
Editorial: I don’t celebrate Groundhog Day because I honour groundhogs every day of the year
As February 2nd approaches, and I watch my friends and family stress over making the perfect plans for Groundhog Day, I can’t help but sit back and watch in bewilderment. Because you see, for me…
Convoy protesters hope to garner national sympathy by terrorizing locals
OTTAWA – Freedom Convoy organizers say they are asking the citizens of Ottawa to be a little more understanding towards their tactics in bullying, law-breaking, and psychological warfare as…
Happy Groundhog Day 2020!
Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don’t forget your booties ’cause it’s cooooold out there today! Ha ha, just a little holiday movie reference humour for you, as Canadians from…
Kenney demands blockading truckers he inspired to immediately relocate to Ottawa
COUTTS, AB – Alberta Premier Jason Kenney is demanding blockading truckers at the Alberta-Montana border he galvanized to relocate to Ottawa. “This kind of behaviour is not acceptable unles…
Nike releases special edition Nike Lebron 19 Sweatshop Pack to celebrate Chinese New Year
BEAVERTON, OR — Nike has released a special edition Sweatshop Pack of the Nike LeBron 19 to celebrate Lunar New Year this year. The Sweatshop Pack features some of the newest LeBron 19 colourways…
