Italian doctors recommend drinking seven glasses of pasta water each day
MILAN – A public service announcement released by the Policlinico of Milan hospital today reminded people that despite the cold weather of the winter months, they should remember to keep ad…
God announces long awaited Golden Girls reunion special
HEAVEN – After years of speculation from fans, God announced today the highly anticipated Golden Girls reunion special is now available for subscribers of Heaven. “We’ve been wa…
Jaunty young lad seeks help for serious gambolling problem
WINNIPEG – With much love and encouragement from his friends and family, local man, Matthew Weatherstone, decided to finally seek professional help for his gambolling addictio— Huh? Oh, it …
Marvel announces reboot of Elephant Man
BURBANK – Marvel Studios has announced another addition to its packed 2022 schedule, a reboot of the 1980 David Lynch film The Elephant Man. The film is unusual for Marvel, not only because…
Billionaire killed after accidentally trying to withdraw his money from the caimans
FLORIDA — Tragedy struck this week after famous billionaire Harold Yates was found mauled to death in a swamp. Investigations into his death revealed that the 85-year-old oil tycoon had died afte…
REBEL Night Club adds new COVID-19 safety measures, including ban on men yelling in girls’ ears trying to explain cryptocurrency
TORONTO – A popular night club has added a number of new COVID-19 safety measures to ensure patrons feel safe on their nights out, including a ban on men yelling while explaining their likely fla…
13 soups perfect for winter weather, which is four more than the cowards at Chatelaine recommend
Do the winter blues have you down? Don’t worry, because nothing staves off the darkness of another long night like a cozy cup of hot soup! Here are 13 of our favourites, which is far more than th…
COVID-19 wins World Juniors
EDMONTON – After a long and hard-fought tournament between some of the greatest under-20 hockey players from across the world, the International Ice Hockey Federation has declared COVID-19 the wi…
Scientists say giant spiders are the future for both food and transportation
OTTAWA, ON – A new report out of the National Research Council says that the solution to growing challenges in transportation and food sectors may well be the same thing: giant spiders. Wit…
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