OTTAWA – Ottawa interim police chief Steve Bell has reminded members of his force that they are not allowed to participate in any planned far-right protests this weekend despite what happened last time.
Bell appeared increasingly frustrated with the officers he was briefing, many of whom struggled with simple concepts such as not aiding in the illegal occupation of the downtown core or duty to protect the local population.
“No, you can’t bring them food or fuel,” responded the chief to his officers in front of a dry-erase board with “law enforcement = police” written on it. “Also, no donations like the members of the police board did.”
“But if they’re not allowed to bring in their vehicles, how will they stay warm during the nights as they blast their horns?” asked a sergeant to the top cop. “Who will help these visitors ensure residents are living in a state of hell 24 hours a day? Can they stay at the station instead? ”
Some members of Ottawa’s Finest were shocked to learn that laws have to be enforced even on people they agree with such as anti-vaccine activists and Holocaust deniers.
“So, let me get this straight,” asked a constable while scratching his head with his service weapon, “we’re not even allowed to high-five protesters or indirectly endorse the overthrow of a democratically elected government by refusing to enforce laws?…Uh, when did this happen?”
At press time, a traffic cop turned in his badge after refusing to issue a ticket to an illegally parked pickup truck flying a Fuck Trudeau flag.