Fairy tale wedding? This ceremony was attacked by wolves
VANCOUVER – Family and friends of Ted and Cecilia Watanabe found themselves whisked away to a realm of wonder, enchantment, and lupine violence at the couple’s wedding this past weeke…
Invasive spoon found in bedroom
CALGARY – According to reports from the Whittaker household, a spoon has been found on a bedroom nightstand despite the utensil’s natural kitchen habitat being well over a dozen steps away. “Whil…
To stop inflation making things more expensive, Bank of Canada going to make different things more expensive
OTTAWA – To help combat record-high inflation and bring some relief to financially squeezed Canadians, The Bank of Canada announced Wednesday that they would hike the key interest rate for …
Local man figures he’ll wait until the next internet outage to read a book
PRINCE ALBERT, SK – As internet service returns to hundreds of Rogers customers nationwide, local copywriter Jack Pally’s plan to enjoy literature has been postponed yet again until the nex…
Editorial: Actually, some of my best friends are multicultural – by Michael Ford
My uncle Doug Ford and I have been getting a lot of flak online for my recent appointment as Ontario Minister of Multiculturism and I don’t think it’s fair, not one bit. What people don’t seem to…
Guy who’s about to puke really selling this “not gonna to puke” thing
London, Ontario – Western University student Kyle Layton gave the performance of his life at a kegger near his dormitory last night convincing the other party goers he was not going to puke…
Elon Musk as committed to Twitter takeover as he is to fatherhood
AUSTIN, TX – In a move that surprised no one paying attention, billionaire baby daddy Elon Musk has shown as much long term interest in Twitter as he does in his nine children (that we know…
Woman shops for new wardrobe, like it matters
MONTREAL – A local woman has begun shopping for brand new clothes, even though nothing fucking matters anymore. “I’m sick of everything I own”, says Layla Veenstra, who just finished a doc…
80s nostalgia peaks with return of hole in ozone layer
WATERLOO – The 80s revival inspired by the hit Netflix show Stranger Things has reached new heights as scientists announced they have discovered a hole in the ozone layer. “If you thought t…
Rogers announces all customers affected by nationwide outage will receive free copy of Ted Rogers’ autobiography
TORONTO – After a massive nationwide outage left people without internet, cable or phone for 24 hours or longer Rogers Communications Inc. reiterated how sorry it was and promised that ever…
