OTTAWA – Following the news that the College of Psychologists of Ontario have asked clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson to undergo retraining for social media etiquette or lose his licence, Conservative Leader Pierre Poilievre jumped into the fray and has challenged the College to a duel.
“I may not agree with what Jordan Peterson does online, like calling people pricks while misspelling the word prick, but I will defend to my death his right to do that, literally, with swords or pistols,” Poilievre said in a video released this weekend. “Not just his right to do that, but his right to do that without suffering any consequences from professional organizations.”
Dueling, along with publishing blasphemous libel and practicing witchcraft, was legalized when Canada’s criminal code was updated and modernized in 2017. This would be the first time a sitting MP has resorted to dueling since its legalization, as most Canadian politicians prefer to use blasphemous libel or witchcraft to settle disagreements.
“I demand satisfaction,” Poilievre continued in his video. “We all know free speech means professional licensing bodies cannot take away a man’s licence just because he’s using social media to harass people and bring shame and embarrassment to an entire profession and the licensing organization itself. A powerful man having to deal with any repercussions for his actions is woke tyranny and I won’t stand for it.”
“And to be clear, I’m not defending the honour of Jordan Peterson because I agree with his worldview. The fact that I only challenge duels on behalf of people who share my reactionary politics is a coincidence, and I challenge anyone who says otherwise to a duel.”
The video duel challenge concludes with Poilievere taking off one of his gloves, using it to solemnly slap the air, mailing it to the address for the College he found on their website, then complaining that his hand is cold because of cancel culture.
The College of Psychologists of Ontario has responded to Poilievre’s challenge by asking him questions about his childhood, his homelife, and why he feels so strongly about performatively defending another grown man from having to face the very minor consequences of his actions.
When the Beaverton attempted to reach Jordan Peterson for comment on this story, he replied with an incomprehensible statement that seemed to be about which female body type he finds most attractive, followed by a list of the names and home addresses of everyone who’s ever been mean to him.