OTTAWA – Anonymous sources inside the PMO are blaming Ontario Premier Doug Ford for ruining a “nearly complete” trade deal, moments before U.S. President Donald Trump could unilatera...
Alexa explodes after Canadian replies to query with, “Oh, yeah, no, for sure.”
OROMOCTO, NB – A local man almost lost his home yesterday after his Amazon Alexa smart home device burst into flames. Lloyd Wentworth, 38, says the fire started as he was preparing dinner in his...
Rogers execs on Sportsnet+ World Series crash: “You can’t expect a streaming service that only costs $30 a month to work every time”
TORONTO – With the Sportsnet+ app failing for many viewers during the Blue Jays victory in Game 4 of the World Series, Rogers execs have come forward to say that “honestly, this is kinda y...
Terrified Jays fan still trapped inside Game 3
TORONTO – Following a World Series game against the LA Dodgers that went into multiple extra innings, local Blue Jays fan Mike Cortner reports that he appears to be trapped inside a metaphysical...
Ford walks back plan to slash tenants rights after spike in guillotine sales
QUEEN’S PARK – Mere days after his government announced consultations over gutting Ontario tenants protections, the Ford Government has cancelled their plans after seeing a 5000% rise in t...
Ford aims to end indefinite rental leases after discovering some Ontarians can still afford to live
QUEENS PARK – Premier Doug Ford’s government has proposed legislation to potentially end indefinite rental leases and adjust tenancy agreements, after realizing that there were still peopl...
Trump slammed for demolishing White House before Canadians could burn it down again
WASHINGTON D.C. – US President Donald Trump’s planned White House ballroom, requiring the complete demolition of the historic East Wing, is being criticized by Canadians who will now never...
God-fearing conservative open to fearing everything else as well
LONDON, ON – Self-professed “god-fearing Christian” and registered Conservative voter Graham Cortland has recently expressed an openness to being afraid of numerous other aspects of ...
Carney introduces bail reform mostly just to see the look on Poilievre’s face
“Poilievre’s bill is called ‘Jail Not Bail’, but it should be something cooled like ‘Pris Not Rizz’.” We discuss the most exciting news on every Canadian̵...
Nintendo celebrates approval of patent on having fun, laughing
Tokyo, Japan – Nintendo is celebrating after being granted a patent on the human emotion of joy, having fun, and general merriment. “Finally something we exclusively brought to the world is now ...
