MEDICINE HAT, AB – A local woman who claims to miss her ex-boyfriend really just misses her ex’s pet cat. “He was always so warm and affectionate, you know?” said Isabelle Lang, staring wistfully at a...
Trump successfully diverted to inflatable decoy G7
ÉVIAN, FRANCE – The 2026 G7 summit has thus far yielded successful talks between the world’s top leaders, largely due to US President Donald Trump being tricked early on into joining a dec...
Trump insists it’s very normal for the winners of wars to pay billions to the losers
WASHINGTON D.C. – As details leak of the Iran-US peace plan, including a rumoured $300 billion reparations payment from the US to the Iranian regime, President Donald Trump was quick to reassure...
Upper Middle Class redefined as being able to watch YouTube without ads
NATIONWIDE – A recent study of Canadian living standards has found that the modern-day equivalent of being in the lower end of the upper social classes is spending money on a monthly YouTube Pre...
Vance, Rubio compete in White House UFC undercard
WASHINGTON D.C. – As part of the UFC Freedom 250 match, President Donald J. Trump’s demanded an 80th birthday present to himself which saw Vice President JD Vance and Secretary of State Ma...
Laval Tim Hortons shockingly awarded three Michelin stars for flatbread pizza
Laval, QC – Michelin announced today that it is awarding three stars to a Tim Hortons in Laval for the “culinary divinity that is their flatbread pizza”. The guide has surprisingly few words for...
Guys who get punched in the head for a living worried about Trump’s cognitive state
WASHINGTON, D.C. – As the White House hosts an Ultimate Fighting Championship event on its South Lawn, several competitors who are paid to issue and receive concussions expressed concern about P...
Carney announces plan to privatize airports but still give them half a billion dollars once in a while
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney has announced a funding model which would see Canada’s federally-owned and operated airports become 100% privately owned, but still get half a billion dollars...
WORLD CUP: Canada ties with Bosnia-Herzegovina, reignites WWI
TORONTO – Canada’s 1-1 World Cup tie with Bosnia-Herzegovina has officially reignited World War One, forcing Canadians to rejoin the Allied forces. Canada’s inability to defeat the v...
Carney bans social media for kids too dumb to figure out VPNs
“There’s no way a 15 year old who has been online for his entire life knows about those is there?” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre and special guest John Batt of @canada.gov.ca) ta...
