KINGSTON – As cities around the world cancel their St. Patrick’s day festivities over coronavirus concerns, one Queen’s University student was determined to stick to his initial plans respo…
Health
Man on week-long social media break wonders why no one is at this awesome buffet
NEWMARKET, ON – Jeremy Philips, a health and wellness expert in Toronto, has celebrated a week-long social media break by visiting Ralph’s All-You-Can-Plate only to find it empty. “I can’t …
Canada announces it will exclusively import COVID-19 from US
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced today that all forms of coronavirus coming from outside from the country must come from American citizens. “Today, we are announcing that an…
“If we stop living our lives, the virus wins!” explains local hugger
VANCOUVER – Local hugger and long handshake enthusiast Shawn Tyler is encouraging people to ignore the advice of the medical establishment and hold fast to their ideals, and more importantl…
Dogs cleared by WHO to resume eating single piece of spaghetti until they kiss
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND – After months of uncertainty about their susceptibility to COVID-19, the World Health Organization announced that dogs could resume eating a single piece of spaghetti u…
Public health authorities deploy emotionally absent fathers to teach social distancing
WINNIPEG – Health authorities in Canada have deployed hundreds of emotionally absent fathers to teach the public about their techniques in social distancing to help prevent the spread of CO…
CDC urges Americans to stay safe by doing opposite of everything Trump says
ATLANTA, GA — Following a televised White House address, the Centers For Disease Control is urging Americans to take precautions against the COVID-19 virus by studying President Trump’s ins…
Study: Attending Ottawa Senators game best way to isolate self from coronavirus
OTTAWA – For those looking to quarantine themselves from the coronavirus, health officials are recommending attending any Ottawa Senators home game to escape crowds or any human contact. “O…
Devastated stock brokers with faces in hands clearly not taking coronavirus precautions seriously
NEW YORK – Stock brokers throughout the world holding their faces in disbelief at the economic consequences of coronavirus have not been taking public health advice seriously. WHO advised t…
World Health Organization warns those slipping the surly bonds of Earth to stop touching the face of God
GENEVA – The World Health Organization is asking pilots, air passengers and astronauts climbing sunward to join the tumbling mirth of sun-split clouds to please refrain from touching the fa…
