EDMONTON – Premier Danielle Smith fought back tears today as she announced that at least 30-50% of the town of Jasper, Alberta has been severely damaged by wildfires but she was adamant that all is not lost, because the Alberta oil industry is still going strong.
“This event has been utterly devastating for the residents of Jasper,” Smith said today in a news conference. “All any of us can do in the face of such horrifying destruction is hold tight to what really matters. And the only thing that matters in this province is the ability of fossil fuel producers to continue to do their work mostly unhindered by the effects of the extreme weather that has become increasingly common during this century for some reason.”
While the vast majority of scientific experts agree that there is an unequivocal connection between global warming caused by the burning of hydrocarbons and the increase in wildfires that have turned summers in Canada into deadly, smokey infernos, Premier Smith has made it clear that she is not interested in playing the blame game about these fires, unless she can blame Trudeau.
“While I don’t want to point fingers during this ongoing tragedy, this is all very likely Trudeau’s fault,” Smith continued. “Not because of his own support of the oil industry and its wonderful pipeline,” Smith hastily added, “but for not taking better care of Jasper National Park, a federal responsibility.”
“The UCP has spent most of the last five years cutting Alberta’s wildfire preparedness budget, and Trudeau’s government should’ve known that this kind of fire was going to grow out of control in this province because of our cuts and should’ve been better prepared for it.”
“Finally, I want to assure the folks in Jasper that we will rebuild,” Smith said. “I don’t care how long it takes. And I mean that literally, rebuilding Jasper will likely take a very long time and I sincerely doubt I or anyone else in my government will sincerely care about this a year from now, or five, or ten. Though I will always be available to cut a ribbon or two on camera once it’s all done.”
Smith concluded her remarks by saying a special thank you to the firefighters working to keep the Trans Mountain oil pipeline which runs through Jasper safe and sound, and only to those firefighters.
