STERLING, VA – The forty-fifth president of the United States spent thirty minutes staring directly into the sun today on the putting green of the eighth hole of the Trump National Golf Clu…
Insurance companies denying claims due to deterministic nature of universe
Chicago, IL – American health insurers have begun classifying all medical claims as pre-existing conditions and refusing to offer settlements because of the clockwork nature of the physical…
New HBO warning system tells viewers when they shouldn’t watch an episode with their mom
NEW YORK CITY – HBO will use the season seven premiere of Game of Throne to introduce a new rating system that will warn viewers if the episode they are about to watch should or definitely …
As Parliament breaks for summer, MPs scramble to find dates to end of session semi-formal
OTTAWA – It’s the end of another parliamentary session, and that means the Members of the Canadian House of Commons are ready to eat, drink and cut loose at the traditional end of session s…
WestJet realizes it can expand its business by also flying east
CALGARY – After twenty-one years in the commercial aircraft industry, WestJet Airlines has finally started offering flights that fly in an eastward direction. “It’s a huge departure for us,…
BC Green Party to form government with whichever party leader brings them the most pinecones
VICTORIA – The Green Party now holds the balance of power in the BC legislature, and they’ve announced they will give their full support to the party whose leader collects the most pinecone…
Friends and family look on helplessly as local woman contemplates Smallville marathon
CALGARY – The friends and family of Katherine Jacobs, 30, are at a loss as to how to prevent her from throwing hundreds of hours of her life away on a Smallville marathon. “We all knew she’…
Woman discovers lost Incan city of Paititi while cleaning out her purse
SCARBOROUGH, ON – A woman has found what many experts believe to be the lost Incan city of Paititi when she finally got around to cleaning out her purse. “I knew I needed to clean out my pu…
Campers capture grainy footage proving existence of legendary BC Conservative party
Kelowna, BC – A pair of campers hoping to take in the sights of springtime in the bucolic Okanagan Valley got more than they bargained for when they unwittingly captured the first video evi…
Celebrated dealmaker Donald Trump trades Alaska back to Russia in exchange for beans
Anchorage, AK – American President Donald Trump has made a deal with Russian President Vladimir Putin that would give the state of Alaska, purchased by the United States in 1867, back to Ru…
