VICTORIA – The Green Party now holds the balance of power in the BC legislature, and they’ve announced they will give their full support to the party whose leader collects the most pinecones.
“Each leader will spend a night alone in a BC forest and gather as many pinecones as they can carry in the organic hemp sacks they will be provided with,” Green Party Leader Andrew Weaver explains. “It’s a way for them to show, through pinecones, how much they care about the land that we will be stewarding together.”
Some in the BC legislature take issue with the Green’s system of choosing political allies.
“This is completely ridiculous,” says Premier Christy Clark. “I have to go to the woods and bag pinecones? How does that make any sense? What do pinecones have to do with government? I mean, yeah, I’ll do it, of course I’ll do it, it’s pretty clear at this point there’s nothing a BC Liberal wouldn’t do, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.”
However, NDP Leader John Horgan says he can’t wait to start gathering pinecones.
“I think it’s a fantastic system. The NDP and the Greens agree on so many issues: stopping pipeline expansion, cleaning up BC politics, election reform, and the importance of pinecones,” said Horgan. “I’m really looking forward to it. Really. Yay pinecones.”
When asked what would happen if there was a pinecone tie, Weaver said the two party leaders would be expected to further demonstrate their connection to the natural world through “competitive orca husbandry.” He would not elaborate further.