OTTAWA – With the Green Party potentially shuttering its head office as it struggles with insolvency, sources report that it will be looking for a couch to crash on until it can get back on its f…
Dad does dad thing
A CANADIAN SUBURB – Multiple sources are reporting that John Jackson, a local father of three, is going to spend the day performing an activity associated with his status as a dad. “I can’t wait …
“I can’t turn down this deal,” says man buying eight grand pianos for the price of seven
EDMONTON – Local sources report that shopper Dan Hibbert has been talked into buying a bulk pack of Yamaha C7X Grand Pianos. “My wife’s going to kill me for making such a large purchase without …
Liberals change date and add “for realsies this time” to throne speech
OTTAWA – In the midst of another turbulent year for Canada, Justin Trudeau has put forward a bold legislative vision in his latest throne speech by adding “and this time we’re totes going to do i…
Life coach benches client
CALGARY – Scouts report that life coach Tom Duggan is replacing his client, Simon Pike, after Pike turned in an incredibly underwhelming performance during the first half of his life. “Simon, I r…
Rhyming couplet seeks third
STRATFORD-UPON-AVON – Looking to spice up the poem they’re in, a rhyming couplet has posted an online classified that says “Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall and had a great fall, but now we’re waiting…
The next Schitt’s Creek? Over four people have watched this new CBC show
TORONTO – CBC executives are celebrating the wild success of the network’s new sitcom, Living Around, which is now watched by well over most of two households. “Living Around is probably the firs…
Rogers beset by power struggle between guy who will raise your phone bill and guy who will raise your phone bill
TORONTO – Rogers Communications has been gripped by a power struggle that analysts have compared to the TV show Succession, in that everyone involved would spit on your corpse if there was profit…
Alberta demands ‘have-not’ provinces carry their share of its ICU patients
EDMONTON – As Alberta’s COVID hospitalisations hit a record high, Premier Jason Kenney has decried other provinces for not shouldering their fair share of the ICU load. “This is a ‘have’ provinc…
Bored construction worker fantasizes about standing behind different politician during campaign rally
ST. CATHARINES – Local construction worker Peter Wagner, who’s wearing a hardhat and standing with a neutral expression at Liberal MP Randall Turner’s campaign rally, has admitted he’s having fan…
