OTTAWA – In response to an ongoing criminal case, Canadian sperm banks have unfrozen accused criminal Charles Grieg’s significant portfolio of assets. Grieg, 47, is facing numerous fraud charges…
Cancel culture run rampant: Louis C.K. forced to win a mere Grammy
LAS VEGAS – Louis C.K. has won the Grammy Award for Best Comedy Album, proving once again that cancel culture is out of control in the western world. “If we, as a society, were serious about reh…
Plastic bag added to bag of plastic bags destined to one day be added to larger bag of plastic bags
CALGARY – According to sources in the Ross household, a plastic bag from this morning’s outing to the grocery store has been stuffed into a larger plastic bag full of plastic bags. “I should real…
Modern-day Caligula brings two bags of chips to bed with him
CALGARY – Sources report that 27-year-old Elliot Greenwood has amazed and disturbed onlookers by bringing two bags of chips into bed with him. “I really like sour cream and onion, but I also real…
“Whoa, it’s the best of times?” says dude about to have his shit rocked by Charles Dickens
CALGARY – Sources at the Central Library have reported that Bryce Spooner, who said “Hell yeah, let the good times roll, baby!” when he began A Tale of Two Cities, is about to get his fucking tee…
Man clearly wants you to ask about his cape
WINNIPEG – According to friends and family, Winnipeg resident David Leiter has begun wearing a cape and is obviously hoping that people will ask him why. “I think Dave might’ve lost his job or h…
“Now let’s do a silly one,” says man dictating his will
REGINA – After dictating his will to his lawyer, sources report that Edward Irwin asked if they could also do a “fun one.” “For this one, let’s start by leaving half my money to my cat, Jean Catt…
Jason Kenney imposes mandatory freedom on Alberta
RED DEER – Premier Jason Kenney has said he intends to pass legislation that will remove the ability of municipalities to enforce their own mask mandates, thereby forcing freedom onto millions of…
“Thank Christ, we needed this” says nation
BEIJING – The Canadian women’s hockey team has won the Olympic gold medal, prompting an exhausted nation to declare “Holy fucking shit, thank you.” “Between two and a half years of COVID and all …
