New York, NY – The writing team behind Durex Ultrathin’s latest commercial have hit a stumbling block after realizing they have used up every known visual cue to let the audience know the p…
Quiz: Can you pass the 1998 Sex-Ed Curriculum final exam?
As you may have heard from the people screaming about it online, Ontario’s new PC Government has announced they will be immediately repealing the 2015 Sex-Ed Curriculum, and “temporarily” replaci…
Rich friend suggests going to concert
CALGARY – Dave O’Neil, a local man who must have family money or something, has suggested to his group of friends that they all go see the upcoming Foo Fighters concert. “I think it would b…
Tory MPP Oosterhoff relieved 10 year olds will no longer know more about sex than him
Niagara West, ON – 20 year old MPP Sam Oosterhoff announced today that one reason he was so delighted to see the Sex-Ed curriculum repealed was that he was sick of all these ‘cocky…
Man eating Tim Hortons poutine hopefully going through a breakup or something
OAKVILLE – Visitors to a local Tim Hortons franchise were disturbed and appalled to see resident Thomas McNaughton eating one of Tim’s new poutines, a decision they truly hoped was the resu…
Man suffering heat stroke told not to complain about the heat because it often snows in January
TORONTO – Local man Kevin Meyer, debilitated by the effects of high temperatures, has been repeatedly told by friends and family not to complain about the heat because several months from n…
I strongly deny the groping allegation that I already admitted to and apologized for
By Justin Trudeau Recently you may have heard about a supposed incident that took place at a B.C. music festival 18 years ago in which I, woke bae Justin Trudeau, allegedly groped a female journa…
Americans make odd choice to celebrate decision that led them to this point
AMERICA – To the surprise of international observers, millions of Americans chose to celebrate the anniversary of their declaration of independence today, despite the fact that this decisio…
Living proof that Canada is no better than the U.S. sworn in as Ontario Premier
TORONTO – A walking, talking refutation to the argument that Canada is in some way a more progressive country than the United States was sworn in as Ontario Premier this morning. “We have a…
Local man reconnects with cottage owning friend every year about this time
TORONTO – Local resident Michael Soplinka, 28, has once again used the month of June to get in touch with his ‘lifelong’ friend Eric Gaston, whose family happens to own a cottage on Georgia…
