VANCOUVER – A new study released from UBC Medical School has confirmed the long held suspicion that sitting for extended periods of time is just as harmful as smoking a pack a day, and adde…
Shocking new book suggests Trump bad
WASHINGTON D.C. – An explosive new book exploded onto the political scene yesterday morning by suggesting that former U.S. President Donald Trump is not good but rather, quite bad. “The aut…
100% of local woman’s friends pregnant
Victoria, B.C. – Vanessa Grafton, 29, recently realized that every single one of her close friends is currently knocked up. “The situation didn’t really set in at first,” said Grafton. “I j…
Fans worry The Big Bang Theory will end without revealing which nerd is the horniest
HOLLYWOOD – Ever since last week’s announcement that the upcoming 12th season of The Big Bang Theory would be the show’s last, fans have been expressing concern that the show would never re…
Local Dad reaches that age where he smells like a damp library
WINNIPEG – As he enters his late 50s Henry Adamson, father of three and grandfather of two, has, like so many men before him, started to smell like an old library that recently experienced …
Drug dealer reverses long-standing policy of ‘snitches get stitches’
TORONTO – Premier of Ontario and former hash dealer Doug Ford has announced the creation of a website where parents can report if their child’s teacher is not adhering to the PC mandated se…
Top 5 CNE attractions they paid us to write about so you’ll ignore their labour dispute
Let’s go to the Ex! The CNE is back in Toronto until September 3. And what would summer be without the outrageous food and classic rides? Sure there is a massive labour dispute where 400 stagehan…
Proud Boys apparently going to stick with that name
NEW YORK CITY – After two years of advocating “western chauvinism” in the form of wearing Fred Perry golf shirts and not masturbating it appears that far right group the Proud Boys are real…
Canadian Blood Services desperately seeking 22,000 donors to avoid letting gay men donate blood
OTTAWA – Canadian Blood Services says it is in urgent need of new donors before Labour Day, or else it may have to resort to the drastic measure of reversing an arbitrary ban on receiving d…
Saudi Arabia condemns Canada’s appalling human rights record of selling arms to Saudi Arabia
Riyadh, Saudi Arabia – In the wake of the diplomatic row over Canada’s support of political prisoners, Saudi Arabia continues to put out press releases and social media statements attacking…
